Parent’s guide to VR safety: Protect kids in virtual worlds

At first glance, virtual reality feels like endless fun for kids. They slip on a headset and step into colorful new worlds where they can explore, learn and play with friends from everywhere. It sounds amazing, and in many ways it is. But behind the fun, there’s a side that many parents never see. The same games that bring laughter can also open doors to strangers with hidden motives. Some are friendly. Others are not.

That reality hit home for Kim Warne, a grandmother from Kansas, who shared her story on my new podcast, “Beyond Connected.”

When VR fun turns risky: A grandmother’s warning about online predators

Kim’s 11-year-old grandson was thrilled when she bought him a Meta/Oculus VR headset. Like many parents and grandparents, she thought it was a fun way for him to play popular games in the Metaverse. He joined a public room inside Gorilla Tag, a fast-paced VR game where players climb, swing and chase one another. He was playing the game with some older boys he didn’t know, but when they started bullying a 9-year old girl, so he told them to stop and her grandson invited the “girl” to a different gaming room so they could play alone.

A friendship that seemed harmless

At first, it all seemed innocent. They played together for days, but then they started sharing things on their phones. The “girl” sent photos of her dog, cat and bedroom, and Kim’s grandson sent pictures of his pets too. Soon they were talking on the phone. Kim wanted to talk to the girl’s mom, but she says there was always an excuse why that couldn’t happen.  Kim told her grandson that he couldn’t talk on the phone with her anymore and deleted and blocked her.  However, they continued to play in Meta/Oculus.

A dangerous connection that wouldn’t end

Then, one night Kim caught her grandson talking on the phone to the “girl” again, but she noticed something was off.  “This girl’s voice had changed, and it was an eerie voice,” Kim said. The “girl” convinced her grandson to download a secret chat app called Discord, claiming it was a safer way to talk in private. “She told him to download Discord so no one would know he was talking to her,” Kim recalled.

A Grandmother’s fear and frustration

Kim’s concern turned into fear, even deleting and reinstalling the VR headset’s software. She checked friend lists, and deleted unknown users.  “I was trying to find some kind of parental control, some way to stop him and stop predators from entering his VR. I can’t find anything like that,” she explained. “It made me so sick to my stomach because I knew this was a predator. I knew it.”  In the end, she told her grandson that he wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone he doesn’t physically know.

We reached out to Meta and spokesperson provided this statement,

“We want young people to have safe, age-appropriate experiences on our platform, including letting parents set up parent-managed accounts on Quest for their children ages 10-12. Preteens need a parent’s permission to create an account, parents can choose what apps their preteen can download, and they can block apps at any time. Parents can also watch their preteen’s Quest experience in real time and report anyone who breaks our rules – as we understand happened in this instance. If we become aware of a preteen using an account meant for someone 13 or older, we’ll take steps to ensure they’re in the right experience.”

A wake-up call for every family

Kim’s story is a warning for parents and grandparents everywhere. VR technology built for fun can also expose kids to skilled predators who know how to gain trust and avoid detection. The danger often begins with a friendly chat, a simple game invite or a voice that sounds harmless. The good news is that adults can take action right now to protect their families. It starts with understanding how kids actually use VR and what that means for digital safety.

First, know how kids actually use VR

VR is not only about gameplay. It is game play plus constant chat. Kids can:

• Join public match lobbies and private rooms
• Talk by voice, text, or in-game gestures
• Share photos, links, and friend invites
• Move chats from a game to phone, email, or other apps

That shift from a game room to a phone or an outside app marks a risk jump. It adds less oversight. It adds new contact points.

Understand the early signs of grooming in VR

Grooming often looks like simple kindness at first. Then it shifts. Watch for these patterns:

• Moving the chat to “somewhere secret,” like a new app such as Discord
• Asking for photos, even casual ones of pets or bedrooms
• Fishing for personal details like school, schedule, costume plans
• Testing boundaries with private calls, late-night chats, or voice changers
• Pressure to keep the contact hidden from adults

Kim described the shift clearly: “The voice… was not even the little girl anymore. It was… a disguised voice.”

Predators often probe with memory games or trust tests. They try to build the habit of saying yes.

Credit: Meta

Set family rules that match how VR really works

Do not rely only on device-level controls. Pair settings with habits that kids can follow every day.

Core rules to post near the headset

• Only play with people you know offline
• Public rooms are for short sessions, private rooms are invite-only
• No moving chats to phone, email, or new apps without a parent’s permission
• No photos, location details, or school info
• If a voice or behavior feels off, leave and tell an adult

Kim adjusted rules in real time: “I told him he’s not allowed to talk to anybody he doesn’t physically know.” That one line can stop many risky paths.

Steps to tighten privacy and safety settings

Every platform is different, but these steps help across headsets and games:

1) Lock the account

Use the highest privacy level available. On Meta Quest, everyone must share their age to create an account. Kids ages 10-12 can only use parent-managed accounts, which require a parent’s approval. This setup lets parents choose which apps their child can download and control access to age-appropriate Worlds in Horizon Worlds.

2) Control voice and chat

Limit who can message or talk to your child. Choose friends-only settings. On Quest, parents can use Parental Supervision Tools to adjust and lock voice channels, manage personal boundaries, and see who their teen follows-and who follows them.

3) Review friend lists weekly

Sit together. Ask, “Who is this?” Remove unknown handles. Repeat often. Parents can also see which apps their child has used and how much time they’ve spent in Meta Quest and Horizon Worlds over the past seven days.

4) Require approval for new apps

Use app store purchase approval. Review permissions before installation. Quest’s parent-managed accounts give adults full control over which apps their pre-teens can download or block.

5) Report and verify age if needed

Anyone can report accounts they believe belong to underage users through Meta’s reporting tools. If a pre-teen uses an account meant for someone 13 or older, Meta may require age verification or move the account to a parent-managed setup. If these steps fail, Meta deletes the account and associated data. Learn more about the process and age experiences here.

6) Log out of unused services

Fewer connected accounts mean fewer paths in.

Keep the conversation going during and after play

Safety grows from everyday talk. Use short checkpoints:

• Before play: “Who are you meeting? How long will you play?”
• During play: Keep the door open. Keep voices audible.
• After play: “Anything weird today? Any new requests?”

If a child says someone asked to move to a private app, pause play. Ask for details. Decide together what to do next.

What to do when something feels off

Move fast. Stay calm. Keep records.

1) End the chat and leave the room

A clean exit keeps emotions steady.

2) Save evidence

Screenshot usernames, messages, dates, and links.

3) Block and report

Use in-game and platform tools. Reporting creates a paper trail.

4) Reset your accounts for safety 

Review recovery email and phone. Remove unknown friend connections. Change passwords. Create strong passwords for your accounts and devices, and avoid using the same password for multiple online accounts. Consider using a password manager, which securely stores and generates complex passwords, reducing the risk of password reuse. 

5) Reinstall if needed

A fresh install can clear hidden links or lingering contacts.

Credit: Meta

Equip your child with simple defense lines

Kids need words they can say in the moment. Practice these together:

• “I only play with real-life friends.”
• “I can’t move to another app.”
• “No photos.”
• “Gotta go.”

Short lines beat long speeches when a stranger is pushing. Pair these with instant actions like mute, block, and leave room.

Tips for kids to stay safe

Before kids put on the headset, remind them of these simple rules that protect their privacy, safety, and confidence online.

• Play with real-life friends, not strangers
• Keep chats inside the game with parent approval
• Never share your real name, school, or phone number
• No photos of your room, pets, or house
• If someone asks for a secret chat, say no and tell an adult
• Use block and report right away
• If a voice sounds weird or fake, leave
• Ask a parent before installing any new app
• Keep doors open and sound on so adults can hear
• Trust your gut. If it feels wrong, it is

A quick checklist for parents and caregivers 

Use this simple checklist to stay connected to what your child is doing in VR and catch potential problems before they grow.

Daily

• Keep an eye on friend lists and recent rooms
• Ask two questions after your child is done playing: “Anyone new? Anything odd?”

Weekly

• Review privacy and chat settings together
• Remove unknown contacts and stale invites
• Check their phone for new messaging apps

Monthly

• Revisit family rules and refresh the posted card
• Try a short “what if” drill about leaving and blocking
• Update passwords and recovery info.

When platforms and policies fall short

Families often expect quick platform fixes. Reality can feel slow. Keep momentum with what you control:

• House rules
• Live oversight
• Fast exits and blocks
• Saved evidence for follow-up

“Predators know what they can get away with… what they call grooming,” Kim noted.
Your steady habits turn that playbook into a dead end.

Related Links: 

• Meta strengthens teen safety with expanded accounts
• Meta whistleblowers raise child safety alarm
• Meta adds teen safety features to Instagram, Facebook

Listen to my podcast “Beyond Connected” and subscribe at the links below:

Spotify |  Apple |  YouTube – (Plus, subscribe to my channel to  stay up to date on the latest episodes)

Kurt’s key takeaways

Virtual reality offers incredible opportunities for play and creativity, but it also carries real risks. Kim’s story is a reminder that both can exist at the same time. You do not need to understand every setting to keep kids safe. Start with clear rules, use short safety phrases, and check in regularly. Stay close during playtime and enjoy the fun moments together. If something feels off, respond quickly and talk about it. A short, calm conversation can stop a small issue from growing into a serious one. That steady balance between curiosity and caution keeps VR both safe and enjoyable.

If a stranger tried to move your child’s chat off their VR game tonight, would your child know exactly what to say and do? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below. 

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