Parenthood Is Both Important and Impossible

High Stakes with Freedom

Parenting is both important and impossible. I don’t think that’s hard for anybody who’s actually parenting to relate to. It’s important because the stakes are high when you’re raising a kid. You feel that pressure to raise them exactly right. And you know what it’s like because you grew up in a family, and you know how much your family of origin impacted you. There are very few influences in your life that are going to shape you as much as your family of origin. This is important work.

Besides that, the Lord says it’s important. So, that’s weighing on you. And then when we say it’s impossible, what I’m talking about is that it’s impossible to do it exactly right. But with anything really important, we feel a pressure to do it perfectly. And when you feel something important pressing you to do it perfectly, you feel the weight of how impossible it is to do that.

That leads to a lot of shame, bitterness, regret, resentment, or getting in our heads about our parenting. But the important and impossible combination is what also leads us to the gospel. It’s a desperation to run to the Father and to say, I really do want to do this well. I know I can’t get it exactly right. So, I don’t want to give up in light of that. I really want to press on.

I turn to the Father and say, If I’m going to do something so important that for me to do it by myself is impossible, I’m so glad that the Lord has told me he’s going to be with me in it. And so the fruit of the Spirit he offers me—that he says comes from walking with him—that fruit of the Spirit is what I’m going to lean into.

And that fruit of the Spirit is what’s going to bless me as a parent. There’s more freedom there than you realize in this important and impossible work. It’s not meant to torment you with its impossibility, and it’s not meant to overburden you with its importance.

There’s still freedom in Christ even in parenting. And that freedom is not freedom to do it however you want. It is freedom to say, I can press on towards something difficult, impossible to get exactly right, and towards something that is really important, and I can walk away still feeling like all my mistakes rolled right off my back. I’m forgiven, I am free, and I’m trusting the Lord with all my best efforts.

Adam Griffin is the author of Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens.

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