“Only Jesus can fill their empty hearts”: Abused growing up, she now helps wounded youths heal

Gillian Chong grew up in a broken home.

In her early years, her parents’ marriage was tumultuous, and young Gillian always felt burdened to fix their relationship. 

The youngest of three siblings, Gillian has a half-sister who was conceived from sexual assault, and a brother with special needs. 

After her parents separated, she stayed with her mother, an erratic woman who was clouded by paranoia and believed people were out to get her.

“We rotated newspaper shops in Penang to avoid having a regular route. My brother had to change every padlock and doorknob in the house every two days. We collected mail with leaves in case they had been laced with poison,” Gillian, 47, recounted.

She also remembers episodes where she feared for her life as her mother drove dangerously, thinking they were being followed.

Born into a volatile and broken home, Gillian is thankful for her father, who supported her when she chose to live apart from her mother.

When Gillian, a Malaysian, was sent to boarding school in Singapore at 15, the young girl felt immense relief. She later left for the United Kingdom to pursue her tertiary education.

She returned to Malaysia at 19 to stay with her mother.

“When I came home, my mom had become even worse, and my sister was dealing with her own pain by screaming incessantly throughout the day. In the end, I voiced my intention to leave and my mother took away my keys,” she said.

Gillian moved into her own place, completed her certification as a chartered accountant and joined her father’s audit firm.

However, in her heart was a dream she had carried since she was a young girl: to support, empower and help youths from abused and broken backgrounds – because she had been there before.

“Jesus is God!”

From childhood to young adulthood, Gillian experienced several incidents of abuse that, coupled with her turbulent upbringing, led her to develop deep trauma.

“I felt I couldn’t tell my parents since they had their troubles,” she shared soberly.

But at 13, she found Jesus in the “funniest way”.

“I was in a convent school at the time and was late for class. Then I saw a girl running towards the chapel,” she recounted with a grin.

Catholic students who go to mass were allowed to be tardy for class, so in a split-second decision, Gillian made a beeline for the chapel.

As she sat through the mass, a thought came out of nowhere: “Jesus is God!” She then knelt down and gave her life to God.

While things at home remained largely unchanged, she experienced a newfound security in the love of God.

Her parents were furious that she had embraced the Christian faith, but she remembers thinking: “I can’t go back now that I know the truth.”

“It was a strange, unfamiliar conviction,” said Gillian.

Around the same time, she remembers sitting in the car one day, looking at her siblings who were unhappy.

“I thought: ‘I’m too young to help you now because I’m small myself, but someday, I’m going to help kids just like you.’”

A God who loves them

After completing her Master’s in Counselling over a decade ago, Gillian began to see the fulfilment of that dream.

With two friends, she started Agape Vision in 2010, a non-governmental organisation in Malaysia dedicated to the well-being of abused and at-risk children and youth. 

Run by volunteers, its initiatives include the @dulting (read: adulting) Programme, which teaches youths from children’s homes basic skills like opening a bank account, finding rental accommodation, writing a resume and spotting scammers.

Another programme, Expedition Agape Malaysia, empowers youth through service learning, partnering with children’s work in the Klang Valley, East Malaysia, Cambodia and the Philippines.

On a trip with youths to the Philippines in 2014. The wheelchair for the little boy was sponsored by a past Expedition Agape Malaysia participant.

On one trip, Gillian overheard one of the youths tell the children: “We are just like you. We are from orphanages, too.”

She was moved to see her youth realise they are strong, capable individuals who can make a difference in the lives of others, and build emotional connections with others, she said.

However, the work is not easy. At times, some youth turn aggressive, ghost her or lie in court because they are terrified of being taken away from their family, despite the severe abuse happening, she said.

It is heartbreaking, but their behaviour reveals their desperate desire to be loved, she added.

“For that reason, I love to tell everyone about Jesus – but most of all, those who are hurting. I believe God has given me this ministry with those who have suffered abuse and trauma, to lead people to Jesus,” she said.

In 2018, Gillian and other Agape volunteers brought youths to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, to serve in a school set up by a pastor and his wife for children living by train tracks. Many of these children came from families dealing with alcoholism and drug addiction.

Sundays are when she invites young adults who have left children homes, refugees, counselling clients and other friends or acquaintances to church with her. At present, six of her youth attend LifeGen Church with her.

For many of them, Jesus is the first Person who has made them feel wanted in this world, said Gillian. Some of her youths have seen Jesus coming to them with outstretched arms. Others have found freedom from past trauma through God’s love for them.

“I found that Jesus is the only one who can fill my youths’ empty hearts with the Father’s love that they are longing for. He is the only One who can heal their pain and be with them as they cry. His truths break the lies that the Enemy has given such as, ‘You are not wanted’ and ‘You are a mistake’,” she said.

“He is the one constant who loves them no matter what.”

Helping others find freedom

In the day, Gillian works full-time as a corporate consultant, runs support groups for adult survivors of sexual abuse and is a guest lecturer at various institutions. In the evenings, the trained counsellor offers her counselling services – for free.

“In Malaysia, the mentality is that if you’re free, you must be lousy. If you’re expensive, you must be good,” she said. “But having been through abuse and trauma, I can’t bring myself to charge others who are trying to find a way out of their brokenness.”

Gillian (left) with Agape Vision co-founder and lawyer Melody Leong and a former Agape Vision youth, Ching Yee.

Through the years, she has journeyed with more than 30 clients from all walks of life. “God has shown me how to use the very lessons He taught me, to help others find freedom from trauma,” said Gillian.

For years, Gillian had felt “dirty” due to repeated molestations she had suffered in the past. But God reminded her that His blood has washed her clean. 

For years, she had suffered from deep feelings of self-rejection and could not understand why. Later, she discovered that her father had asked her mother to abort her, and had threatened to divorce her if she did not.

When her mother cut her off, she felt she had to be perfect or risk being abandoned by others again. She struggled with an eating disorder, self-harm and obsessive compulsive disorder.

But through all this, God reassured her of His presence and love for her.

“His promise, ‘I will never leave you. I will never forsake you’, has been my anchor in this upside-down life. I have held on to it through pain, turbulent seasons and loss,” she said.

She shared that God has pointed her repeatedly to the purpose that He has for her, and has also shown her the power of forgiveness and how to cut off spiritual ties with those who had misused her body.

These personal challenges have helped Gillian develop a deep empathy for her clients.

“It will always be an ongoing journey (of healing) for everybody, including me, but today it’s not something that ties me down,” she said gratefully. “The Lord is indeed good and gentle.”

Authenticity is key

As a believer, Gillian encourages Christians to serve not just in church, but beyond its four walls, too. 

“The Malaysian Church could do better in reaching out to people from different walks of life. It shouldn’t be a ministry or social arm, but an everybody, everywhere initiative,” Gillian said.

In particular, the key to effective transformation in youth, she believes, is sincere friendship and genuine love.

“You have to be there for the long haul. Volunteer, but don’t just do it once. They need to see that you really care, because they’re very sharp at identifying if you’re authentic. They have to be, because of the terrible childhoods they’ve had,” she said.

When Gillian looks back on her younger days, she realises how, through it all, the Lord has been the friend she needed.

She said: “When I see how trauma devastated my family: My mother who only talks to mediums and fortune tellers; my brother who rarely smiles, stays in his room and is lost in his own world; my sister who engages in occultic practices and is estranged from all of us, I thank God for His redemptive work in my life, even whilst I continue to reach out to my family for Jesus.”

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