My Husband Kicked Me Out Of The House for Supporting My Ailing Parents

Anytime he starts giving me attitude in the morning, I know he might have gone through my phone during the night while I was sleeping and might have found something that doesn’t sit well with his spirit. He won’t find cheating on my phone or find me chatting inappropriately with another man. I’m not the one another man would call dear. I’m no one’s dear, so he wouldn’t find those things to get angry about, but by all means my husband will find something to swell about.

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So that morning, after giving me the silent treatment for so long, and I was also trying not to engage him, he burst out, “How much did you send your father yesterday?”

We both have a joint account that we contribute to equally. He earns more, but that doesn’t prevent him from asking me to contribute the same amount as he does. The account is for emergencies and also for future projects. He doesn’t touch it, and I don’t touch it.

But after contributing that much, I’m left with very little. He complains that he’s the one who takes care of me, so I shouldn’t have the right to complain about how much I have left after contributing to the joint account.

But this is what he doesn’t understand: that I have parents who would call every now and then to ask me for favors. They are old and retired. Unfortunately for me, I belong to the generation where our parents used us as their retirement benefit, and I’m also the eldest, so whenever their wheels run dry, I’m the one they ask for oil.

I don’t have much, but I try to save something for my parents, and my husband has a problem with that. According to him, I should let him know when I’m sending money to my parents and how much. His parents are dead, but that doesn’t stop him from sending money to his aunts and uncles once in a while.

So that morning, when he asked about how much I sent to my dad, I decided to ignore him. He wouldn’t let me go, so he held me by the shoulders and talked over me in a raised voice, “I know how much you sent, but I want you to repeat it. So you have this much and you still tell me you don’t earn much?”

I still ignored him because we’d had that conversation over and over again. Everything I say gets him angrier. He started shouting, “Ever since we got married, all you think about is your family. When was the last time you bought something for me? When was the last time you took care of this house without me? But you’ll have money for your family.”

Not that I haven’t tried to do more. I tried. A friend of mine was selling kids’ items, and I decided to help her by posting on my status. That day, I couldn’t count the number of people who asked me if I had this or that in stock. It pricked my intuition that I could sell something and make money.

I started selling items on my status. I even discussed with him that I was going to take a loan from the office so I could buy more. He said, “You still want to take a loan with this your little income?” I asked him to give me a loan himself or let me borrow from the joint account. He said no.

I struggled bit by bit to buy and sell on my status and on Facebook. Just when I was picking up steam to buy more and sell more, this man said, “Why are you behaving like I don’t take good care of you, so you have to sell? You’re allowing this to take all your time, and I hate it.”

I tried to hide and do it, but he caught me because we live in the same house. He pushed me out of that trade and told me if that was what I wanted to do, I should go to my parents’ house to do it.

It hurt me so badly that I cried. He had done a lot of things to me that felt like bullying, but none made me cry until that day. I had to stop because I wanted my marriage to work. We were only two years in, and I didn’t want to be the one to wreck it.

My mom got sick. I tried with my other two siblings, but we needed more money as time went on. So out of frustration, I ended the standing order on my account so that month I could have my full salary. That was the only way for me to raise enough. When my husband realized my contribution didn’t hit the joint account, he asked why, and I told him I cancelled the standing order. He asked why. I told him, “My mom’s health was at stake here.”

He got triggered because I’d mentioned my family. I knew everything he would say, so I prepared for it. He didn’t say anything new apart from asking why I got married if my family was that important to me. I said, “You won’t give me when I ask you. Why did you marry me if you’re not ready to help me in any way?”

That got him livid, and he started acting like a possessed fetish. “Who feeds you in this house? The roof over your head, who made it possible? The utilities, who pays them? I wouldn’t have married you if I knew you would be this ungrateful.”

I’d had enough, and it was up to my neck. I responded, “Do you think I would have married you if I knew you would be this cold towards my needs?”

For the first time, I spoke back, and he didn’t enjoy it. He started packing my things and throwing them at me. “Then there’s no need to be here. Go back to your parents and leave me alone.”

I sat and watched. He held me by the shoulders and shoved me out. I didn’t take anything, but I left. I’m not from a rich home, but where he found me and married me, there was peace. I went home and slept without telling my parents the issue. They knew there was a problem, so they pushed until I let it all out. My dad screamed, “Wow!” My mom was dumbfounded.

They didn’t advise me to go back or tell me what to do. I went back and took a few things while he wasn’t home. We didn’t talk for four days. I called him and said, “I need the money I’ve contributed in the joint account, and I need it as soon as possible.” He cut the line on me.

I went back and took a few things while he wasn’t there. Little by little, I got the most important things I needed to live life normally. Three weeks later, he called to ask me when I was coming home and said I shouldn’t make him push me away completely. In his own words, he said, “Don’t make me decide that you shouldn’t come here again. You better come back before we get to that point.” I responded, “Oh, you’re still not at that point? You better get there fast because I’m not coming back.”

I didn’t talk back until I had to, and he realized I’d crossed a certain line. That was when he called my dad. My dad told him point-blank that he didn’t have any respect, so he wouldn’t like to engage with him. “Your wife is here; you can come and take her, but don’t bring me into this issue.”

Two months later, he’s here with his parents apologizing and asking me to go back home. Fortunately for me, I’ve learned to live without him, and I’ve been comfortable doing that, so I’m not going back again. It’s suffocating in there.

What Nobody Tells You About Divorce

He’s begging through other people, but he hasn’t had the courage to look me in the face and say he’s sorry. I don’t mind. The next time he hears from me is going to be me asking for divorce and my savings so I can begin life again on my own terms. This won’t work for me. It’s too stifling, and I’m not made for that.

—Christabel 

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