“My husband and I have been together for 60 years. I will take care of him for life”: 78-year-old cleaner whose husband had multiple strokes

As a long-time cook in one of Singapore’s five-star hotels, Mr Lai Kwong Wai would whip up the hotel’s signature mooncakes during Mid-Autumn Festival and their fine dining yusheng at Chinese New Year.

It was a job he enjoyed and life was simple but stable for him and his wife, Mdm Wong Kwai Cheng.

But everything changed when Mr Lai had, not one, but three strokes.

After the third and most severe stroke left her husband bed-bound and unable to speak, Mdm Wong struggled to care for him alone in the face of mounting medical, emotional and financial challenges.

Yet even when institutional care seemed like the most realistic option for the couple because of the complexity of care and financial pressures, Mdm Wong said: “We have been together for 60 years. I can’t bear to send him to a home.

“As long as I am well, I can care for him. If you ask me to do it again, I would still choose to bring him back home.”

Mdm Wong had a secret source of strength: God, and the angels He sent her when she most needed help.

The altar

Life has not been easy for the couple. Of their four children, two have passed on from cancer.

The family used to be fervent believers of another religion.

“I even dedicated my life to that religion and there was a ceremony similar to baptism,” she told Salt&Light in Mandarin. “One day, I went to a huge temple in Sengkang and the priest told me that I had to be careful – I had to do a huge ceremony as the ancestors wanted to take away my son. But my son had already passed on. I felt that the priest was cheating me and it shook my belief.”

At the time, she had a friend whom she knew was addicted to gambling.

“I bumped into her after a long while and asked if she was still gambling. She replied no, as she had become a Christian.

“She talked to me about Jesus but I didn’t want to listen. While taking a nap, I dreamt I was standing on a very high mountain. Someone else was there, urging me to jump. He said the moment I jumped, all my troubles would be gone. I almost jumped, but suddenly a hand reached out to grab me and pulled me to Him. He hugged me. Only much later, I would realise it was Jesus.

After his second stroke, Mr Lai could still walk with the help of a walking stick, and could still work as a cleaner. This changed when he had his third, and most severe stroke in March this year.

“The next day, my friend came to pick me for a Pastor’s sharing session. My husband was very angry. He was very against Christianity and said he wanted to beat the Pastor up. It was terrible.

“After the event, my husband came to pick me on his motorcycle. I blurted out: ‘If we believe in Jesus together, we can be together forever even after we pass on.’ I told him that God made a woman from a man’s ribs (Adam and Eve), and God had made me to accompany him. He said I was crazy.”

But something in Mdm Wong caused her to persist.

“At the time, my husband had just had an intestinal operation. When he fell asleep that night, I gently laid my hands on his wound. I didn’t know how to pray but I asked for healing, and added: ‘Jesus, I want to get baptised this week. But if my husband doesn’t want to be baptised with me, then I won’t.’ I told God to speak to him.

“My husband woke up in the middle of night and asked me: ‘One day when I pass on, will I be able to find you?’ I told him: ‘No, I will be in heaven while you will not be if you don’t believe. How can you find me?’

Mr Lai and Mdm Wong enjoying a meal out before his third stroke.

“I told him to consider becoming a Christian, and if he said yes, I would ask the Pastor to get rid of the altar in our house. I told him I wouldn’t pray at the altar any more.

“The next morning, my husband told me to ‘just do whatever you want’. When he left for work, I quickly called my Pastor and told him to hurry since my husband had agreed to remove the altar. I was afraid he would go back on his word. So my Pastor came to remove the altar.

“Halfway through, my husband came home. To my surprise, he had returned to help me throw away the prayer things. We threw everything together.

“Once we removed the altar, something strange happened. The area on the floor where we used to kneel and burn joss sticks had already been stained black by the joss stick soot. But the moment we removed the altar, the area was sparklingly bright and clean.”

Today most of their family members are Christian, including their children and their spouses, as well as Mdm Wong’s younger sister. All of them have removed the altars from their homes.

The red packet

Mdm Wong’s newfound faith would play a big role in the challenging years to come.

While Mr Lai’s first stroke was mild, his second stroke in 2023 rendered him unable to continue his job as a cook. Admitted to St Luke’s Hospital for rehabilitation after his stroke, he quickly regained function and was discharged a month later.

While needing some help with walking, he was still able to work as a cleaner. But his salary was reduced to less than S$1,000 a month. Mdm Lai was also working as an office cleaner. Their children tried to help out, she said, but they, too, were struggling financially.

Being able to hire a domestic helper (extreme left) to help care for Mr Lai is a godsend for the couple.

Things took a turn for the worse in March this year, when Mr Lai suffered a third – his most severe – stroke. Despite being re-admitted to St Luke’s Hospital, his condition deteriorated to the point that he was bed-bound, uncommunicative, lost his mental capacity, and became dependent on a nasogastric tube for food.

“I tell God: If it’s possible, I really hope my husband can accompany me for a few more years,” said Mdm Wong. “But I also don’t want him to suffer. If he has no pain, I don’t mind him just lying there. I will do everything else.”

She brought her 86-year-old husband home, where she believed he wanted to be, and was determined to be his caregiver.

“Let me tell you a miracle,” she told Salt&Light. “We had to hire a helper for my husband as I still work in my cleaner’s job.

“The agent, who is Christian, was very kind and gave me a discount on the fees. But we still needed an initial payment of $2,100. My children and grandchildren pooled their money together and gave me $900. I think I could have scraped together another $200 from my savings. But it still wasn’t enough.

“The next day a sister from church came to visit me. Before leaving, she said she wanted to help me and gave me a red packet. I assumed it was $100 or $200 and I didn’t open the red packet. I was very troubled.  

“That night, I surrendered the situation to God. As I showered, I told Him, ‘I don’t know what to do any more.’ Then I heard a voice: Open the red packet. I thought it was a joke – I didn’t need $100 or $200, I needed $1,000.

“The moment I opened the packet, I fell to my knees and my tears wouldn’t stop flowing. There was S$1,000 in the red packet. That sister was also not in a good situation with her business. But she later told me that she had heard God urging her to leave her troubles aside and help me.

“So I managed to pay the agent and hire a helper. I give thanks to God!”

The medical miracle

That was not the end of God’s miracles.

“When my husband was in hospital, the doctor told me there was a blood clot in his brain and he needed surgery. Everyone supported the surgery, except me. He is already old. I didn’t want him to suffer more at his age.

“The doctor said there was one last alternative: To take a blood-thinner medication. But it was a risk not to remove the blood clot, which could burst at any time. Also, he had to be careful not fall when he was on blood thinners or he would bleed uncontrollably.

“I went home and prayed: ‘God, I leave Him in Your hands. You make the call whether he should go for surgery or not. If you tell me Your answer tomorrow, I will obey it.’ Then I went to sleep.

“The next day, I returned to the doctor and was met with a miracle. The doctor said the clot size had reduced and my husband did not need the surgery after all. To this day, he is still just taking blood thinners.

“So, I really believe God exists. Every time I didn’t know what to do, I prayed and He sent me angels and miracles!”

An angel

An “angel” Mdm Wong also received with gladness was St Luke’s Hospital medical social worker, Edmund Seah.

When Mr Lai became bedridden and needed round-the-clock medical care, Mdm Wong tried to withdraw money from her husband’s bank account for the expenses. But she was told that his account had been frozen.

Desperate, she sought help from Edmund when he came by for a home visit.

Acting immediately, St Luke’s Hospital prepared and submitted a medical report stating that Mdm Wong had deputyship to handle her husband’s affairs. They also secured temporary financial assistance from various foundations and made sure that Mr Lai had continuity of care through Medifund and the St Luke’s Hospital Patient Welfare Fund.

St Luke’s Hospital medical social workers and home care workers have been a great blessing to the Lais. The team visits the Lais regularly and coaches them through their practical, social and emotional challenges.

When the bank account still required Mdm Wong to maintain a minimum balance of S$3,000, with additional monthly and processing fees, Edmund advocated on Mdm Wong’s behalf by writing to the Family Justice Courts to appeal for the retention of the original bank account. The appeal was approved, Mdm Wong was able to access the funds.

“If not for Edmund, I would not have known how to do all that,” said Mdm Lai. “Bless him.”

The St Luke’s Hospital Home Medical and Home Nursing and therapy teams have made sure Mdm Wong has emotional support as a caregiver with regular home visits, providing her with coaching in nursing care and walking her through the various setbacks.

Small improvements are celebrated – Mr Lai has been weaned off the nasogastric tube and is now able to eat small items like soft biscuits. From being fully bedridden, he is now able to be pushed around the neighbourhood in a wheelchair, allowing him to have some social interaction.

“What has been encouraging is the consistent resilience shown by Mdm Wong and the clarity of Mr Lai’s desire to remain at home,” said a team member of St Luke’s. “Despite the challenges, she demonstrated a strong commitment to caring for her husband, and she worked closely with the team to cope with each new difficulty.

“Her determination motivated the team to do everything possible to prolong home-based care in a safe and sustainable way. Seeing Mr Lai achieve small but meaningful improvements, and witnessing Madam Wong’s strength and devotion, reminded the team of why person-centred care matters. Their journey has been difficult, but it has also been marked by courage, perseverance, and a shared willingness to keep trying.”

Smiles, not tears

Mdm Wong cares for her husband one bowl of soft rice at a time – “I make sure he eats, one spoonful at a time.”

She cooks him fish and tofu, boils him pumpkin-pork bone soup, and rubs medicated oil on his chest when he coughs at night.

When she leaves home for her cleaning job, she waves goodbye to him and tells him she will be back.

“When I first started working as a cleaner, I cried every day. Now I’m full of joy and I go to work with a smile,” she said. “When I arrive at the office early and there’s no one around, I will play the Bible on speaker and sing worship songs. The office workers who had seen me cry say that they wouldn’t have known I’ve been through such huge setbacks and suffered so much pain.

“Though my husband is now senile, he can tell when I’m joking and he laughs with me,” she said tenderly. “And you know, when my husband became a Christian, his faith became stronger than mine. Even now, when I start to pray, he instinctively knows I am praying and he automatically raises his hands.”

She takes Holy Communion with her husband and tells God: “I am so grateful You have never forsaken me. I will love You all the days of my life.

“When we return to You, I want us to return to You with smiles and not tears.”

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