My Dad Was a Family Man at Home and a Baby Factory Outside

I grew up believing my father was the greatest in the world. When my mom said no, he would give a big yes and carry me around. He took me to school, and if he couldn’t pick me up, he’d always bring me biscuits on his way back. I loved the way he doted on my mother. I prayed for a husband just like him.

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That was until I started uncovering secrets buried under the covers. When I found out, I begged God to reverse whatever curse I’d brought upon myself. It turns out my father was what some in our community called a “sperm donor.”

There were many cases I heard my mum talk about with her friends concerning my dad’s behaviour. I never minded it because, well, “he is a man.” I thought that was all there was to it. I usually didn’t get to hear the full story. Until I did.

I was 30 when I found out.

My father had a 15-year-old daughter from one of his usual escapades. The girl was seated at the far end of our room, close to the door, while my dad was having breakfast. The father that he was to me, he was running away from being a father to her. The day I found her sitting there, she had come for school fees because my father had been playing hide and seek. She had travelled all the way to see him. When I returned home that day, nothing was said about her. My mother didn’t speak of it, and my father pretended it never happened.

Years later, I want to find her.

Now I’m thinking of looking for her, and maybe others who were fathered by my dad. My question is, does it make sense that I do this now, having known of her existence for almost 20 years? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

Twenty years is a long time. From where we come from, girls often marry young. That girl is probably married and living her own life. Will I be interfering? What if she had a tough upbringing because of my father’s neglect? Will I be reminding her of a painful past? Will she hate me for being his chosen daughter, the one he kept? So many questions fill my mind as I type this.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you approach it?

A part of me tells me to go for it. Another part says no.

Aside from getting to know her and others, could this quest hurt my mother? What will my father say when he finds out what I am up to?

And if I should go ahead, how do I even trace her? Will I need to go back to my parents and ask about her family?

I am sitting with all of this, turning it over in my heart.

–Dabem

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