Letter to my child, from your dying father

My Dearest Child,

I will never forget the day you were born.

How did a fragile little thing with the lung capacity to cry at that volume turn out to be such a lovable blessing?

I remember the stark contrasts of that day – indescribable joy amidst the trepidation and chaos of your arrival. Those moments were interwoven to mark the beautiful beginning of our journey together.

As you know, my child, my health has taken a turn for the worse. 

Even as I pray for a miraculous turn of events, I may not have a lot of time left with you.

This letter is my attempt at sharing any wisdom I might have gathered, shaped by the people who have enriched my life and even mistakes I have made.

Much as I want to shield you from pain and hide you from disappointment, I know I can’t. And maybe I was never meant to.

But may these words offer you comfort, and maybe some inspiration, as you look back on our too-brief time together and look forward to the rest of your life.

#1 Treasure the gift of human connections

I remember the pantry tea lady, Auntie M, at one of my offices.

More than just serving tea, she was a master weaver. She could connect with everyone regardless of their seniority.

She knew everyone’s orders and, more importantly, their stories. Her warmth, empathy and ability to whip up mouth-watering refreshments created a strong sense of community where we all felt seen, heard and appreciated.

She was the glue that held the team together despite being the lowest ranked officer.

Knowing some of the challenges I was grappling with, Auntie M would frequently tell me: 人生短短做人爽爽. As a believer, she reminded me how life on earth is fleeting, and we should make the most of every moment that God gives us, no matter how difficult.

Through Auntie M, I learned the power of human connections, the importance of listening and the profound impact one can have on others regardless of one’s official role.

Our lives – and the people who come in and out of it – are interwoven with countless threads of human relationships. Treasure each one for what they bring.

#2 Be bold to wait for true love

As you navigate the world of relationships, it is natural to seek someone who shares your values and aspirations.

Finding a partner who fears God can add a deeper dimension to love.

I was so blessed with your late mother. She loved adventures, be it wandering off the well-trodden path to explore another neighbourhood or another country. She was equally at ease with people, able to chat about anything under the sun.

Your mother was kind, generous and thoughtful, constantly paying close attention to the needs of others (including our pets) and extending a helping hand whenever she could.

It is clear that many of these wonderful qualities have been passed on to you. And, yes, she was the one who brought me closer to God.

My child, don’t settle for a love that merely grazes the surface. Seek someone whose heart resonates with your own, who shares your commitment to faith and walks beside you on your spiritual journey.

Let your values guide your choices, and trust that God will lead you to someone who complements your spirit, as you forge a deeper personal relationship with Him.

In life’s exquisite tapestry, the most beautiful threads are often those of love and companionship.

#3 Manage your fears, don’t let them manage you

I once worked for a prestigious firm with a special mission that resonated with me.

That stint turned out to be a complete disaster.

It was my very first job and I felt I needed to be constantly in performance mode. I was so afraid of making mistakes and terrified that people would not like me. I drove myself to do well and be seen as someone who was thriving on the job.

I spent my days living in fear – preoccupied with what other people, especially my bosses, thought of me. The more I wanted to do well and please others, the more mistakes I made and the more I lost my confidence.

Thank God the firm subsequently offered me an opportunity to do an external posting, which I saw as a chance to reset my career.

I was blessed to work for new bosses who were a good fit for my personality. By not micromanaging me, they gave me the space to explore and make mistakes. That helped me regain my confidence, enjoy my work more and avoid being overly anxious about my performance. Unsurprisingly, I performed better with this mindset.

Fear, an instinctive response to real or perceived danger, can be a powerful motivator.

However, when left unchecked, fear can cripple us. It can hold us back from pursuing our dreams, building meaningful relationships and experiencing God’s goodness in our lives.

By understanding the nature of fear and finding ways to manage it, the obstacle turns into a catalyst for growth.

#4 It’s okay to be vulnerable in the face of loss

When Mummy battled her illness and finally returned to God, grief and darkness gripped me like a vice.

A seemingly unfillable void occupied my heart. It felt like I had had one of my limbs severed and had to learn how to live all over again.

You will experience your own losses: The loss of a loved one, a cherished dream, a future you had envisioned.

As you process your losses, there will be good and bad days, moments of crushing despair mixed with fleeting glimpses of solace.

But within the depths of your sorrow, open your eyes to the people who care about you, and recall the warmth of shared memories.

Grief isn’t always a linear process, so open your heart and let God lead the way.

The extreme introvert in me cannot believe how many people I have connected and reconnected with in this final stage of my life.

I cannot imagine making it this far without allowing friends and family to journey with and help us.

Some provided practical help like driving me to my medical appointments or taking me out to the park. Some engaged me in honest conversations, giving me the time and space to process my emotions. Others asked me how else they could help and if I had any prayer requests.

I am thankful that I didn’t stubbornly cling to my pride, which would have turned away all the angels that God sent our way.

#5 Don’t be afraid to love and be loved

At the heart of all I’ve said lies the capacity to love and be loved.

Understanding and accepting your strengths, limitations and boundaries allows you to radiate a confidence and positivity that attracts genuine relationships.

You can then extend love to others, build authentic connections and create a positive impact on the world.

Loving others is such a beautiful expression of humanity. It is often about empathy, kindness and putting the needs of others before your own.

Above all, love is about reciprocity: It also requires us to open our hearts to receive affection and support.

Ultimately, as believers, we are to love God and open our hearts to accept His love for us all, which He demonstrated by sending His only Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for our sins and offer us the gift of eternal life.

#6 Remember who you are – a child of God

My dearest child, remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a perfectly imperfect masterpiece of God’s creation.

Remember your thoughtful insights during Sunday school or whenever we chatted about God? I’ll never forget your courage going on a church mission trip without your parents when you were still in primary school!

Your life is a precious journey, with blended experiences of love, joy, sorrow and growth. As you walk your transient earthly journey, trust in His unfailing love and guidance.

Know that, even as I depart this world, we are eternally connected through our faith. In the grand scheme of eternity, our separation is but a fleeting moment.

If you read this after I am gone, remember that there will come a day when Mummy and I can enfold you in our arms again as we bask together in the light of our heavenly Father.  

With love,
Your earthly Daddy

“And he said: Naked I came from you mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

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