If you actually want to be happy, it’s time to say goodbye to these 8 habits

Happiness. It’s what we all strive for, but it can often feel elusive. I’ve found that the key to true happiness isn’t always about doing more, but rather, it’s about letting go.

I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a devoted student of mindfulness and Buddhism.

Over the years, I’ve discovered that there are certain habits that can hold us back from achieving our potential for joy.

If you’re serious about wanting to be happy, it might be time to say goodbye to these eight habits.

Let’s get started. 

1) Overthinking everything

Now, here’s something I’ve noticed. We tend to get caught in a vicious cycle of overthinking. I’ve been there, and it’s a tough habit to break.

Overthinking is like quicksand for happiness. The more you think, the deeper you sink into worry, anxiety and stress. Before you know it, you’re stuck in a pit of negative thoughts, making happiness seem like a distant dream.

But here’s the deal. Overthinking doesn’t change the outcome. It only drains your mental energy and steals your joy in the present moment.

Mindfulness practice teaches us to acknowledge our thoughts without getting trapped in them. It’s about being present, living in the now rather than dwelling on past mistakes or future uncertainties.

When you find yourself overthinking, take a deep breath, acknowledge your thoughts and then let them go. This simple act can help free your mind and allow happiness to seep in.

Happiness doesn’t come from thinking about it. It comes from living it. So let go of overthinking and embrace the beauty of now.

2) Seeking external validation

I’ve seen it in myself and in others around me. We often look to others for approval and validation. We crave likes on social media, compliments on our looks, and applause for our achievements. But here’s a truth I’ve come to realize: true happiness comes from within.

The great Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “You have enough. You do enough. You are enough.” This is a powerful reminder that our worth isn’t determined by external validation.

Make no mistake, it’s nice to be recognized and appreciated by others. But if we place our happiness in their hands, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Instead, focus on cultivating self-love and self-acceptance. Celebrate your strengths, accept your weaknesses, and above all, remember that you are enough just as you are.

When you seek validation from within rather than from others, you’ll find that happiness becomes a constant companion rather than an elusive chase.

3) Clinging to impermanence

Here’s a raw truth that we often tend to ignore: everything is temporary. Our possessions, our relationships, even our own lives are fleeting. As harsh as it may sound, clinging to the impermanent nature of things leads to suffering and steals our happiness.

This is a fundamental principle in Buddhism. The Buddha taught that understanding and accepting impermanence is key to achieving peace and happiness.

We often hold on to things, people, or situations with a tight grip, fearing change and loss. But the more we cling, the more pain we invite. It’s like trying to hold water in our hands – the tighter we squeeze, the faster it slips through our fingers.

The key is to appreciate what we have while we have it, but also understand that change is inevitable. This doesn’t mean we should live in fear of losing what we have. Rather, it means embracing the flow of life and appreciating each moment for its unique beauty.

Happiness isn’t found in the past or future. It’s found right here, in the ever-changing now. Let go of clinging to impermanence, and you’ll find a deeper, more enduring form of happiness waiting for you.

4) Neglecting self-care

In our fast-paced world, it’s too easy to put ourselves last. We become so caught up in meeting deadlines, fulfilling responsibilities, and pleasing others that we neglect our own well-being. The result? We’re left feeling drained and unhappy.

Let’s be honest here – you can’t pour from an empty cup. Neglecting self-care is like running a car without ever changing its oil. Sooner or later, it’s going to break down.

Mindfulness teaches us to be aware of our needs and to prioritize self-care. This doesn’t mean being selfish or neglecting our duties. It means understanding that taking care of ourselves is essential if we want to take care of others or accomplish our goals.

Self-care can take many forms – a healthy diet, regular exercise, enough sleep, or even just a few minutes of quiet meditation each day. It’s about doing what replenishes you, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Your happiness matters. Make self-care a priority, and watch as your life becomes infused with more joy and peace.

5) Living with a bloated ego

Here’s something I’ve learned in my journey. Our ego – that part of us that craves recognition, seeks superiority, and fears inferiority – can be a significant barrier to happiness.

The ego is always there, whispering that we’re better or worse than others, causing unnecessary comparisons and competitions. It’s self-centered and insatiable, constantly seeking more and never satisfied.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into how ego can hinder our path to happiness and how Buddhism teaches us to live with humility and compassion instead.

Dissolving the ego doesn’t mean losing your identity or becoming a pushover. It means understanding that we’re all interconnected and that everyone is on their own unique journey.

When we free ourselves from the shackles of the ego, we open the door to genuine happiness. We become more mindful of our actions, more understanding of others, and more at peace with ourselves.

Do yourself a favor. Start deflating that bloated ego and step into a life of greater joy and fulfillment.

6) Resisting change

Change is a part of life. It’s as inevitable as the rising and setting of the sun. Yet, so many of us resist it, clinging to the familiar and fearing the unknown. This resistance, however, only leads to stress and unhappiness.

Buddhism teaches us about the principle of impermanence – the idea that everything, good or bad, is subject to change. Embracing this principle is an essential step on the path to happiness.

Mindfulness, too, encourages us to accept change. It teaches us to be present in each moment, rather than resisting it or yearning for something different.

Resisting change is like trying to swim against a powerful current. It’s exhausting and futile. Instead, learn to go with the flow of life’s changes.

Change isn’t something to be feared. Often, it’s a chance for growth and new possibilities. By welcoming change instead of resisting it, you’ll find that happiness comes more easily and naturally.

7) Living in the past or future

Let’s face it. Many of us spend too much time dwelling on past regrets or worrying about future uncertainties. But the truth is, no amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can control the future.

The renowned mindfulness expert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, once said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” This is a reminder that we can’t change what has happened or predict what will happen, but we can learn to navigate life as it comes.

Living in the past or future robs us of the joy of the present moment. It’s like being at a beautiful beach but missing out on the beauty because we’re too busy looking at our feet or scanning the horizon.

If you want to be truly happy, learn to live in and appreciate the now. Practice mindfulness, be present in your experiences, and let go of past regrets and future worries.

Life is happening right now. Don’t miss it by being somewhere else in your mind.

8) Always trying to be happy

This might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. Constantly chasing happiness can actually lead us further away from it.

In our pursuit of happiness, we often end up rejecting or avoiding negative emotions. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel sad, anxious, or angry. But the truth is, these feelings are a part of life, and denying them can cause more harm than good.

Mindfulness teaches us to accept our emotions without judgment. It’s not about being happy all the time. It’s about acknowledging our feelings, whether they’re positive or negative, and allowing ourselves to fully experience them.

The paradox is that when we stop trying to force happiness and start accepting our emotions as they are, we often find a deeper sense of contentment and peace.

If you want to be happy, stop trying so hard to be happy. Instead, practice mindfulness, embrace your emotions as they come and go, and discover the profound peace that lies beneath the surface of every experience.

Conclusion

True happiness isn’t about merely avoiding discomfort or chasing after pleasure. It’s about embracing all aspects of life – the good, the bad, and everything in between. It’s about letting go of harmful habits and adopting a more mindful, compassionate approach to life.

I delve deeper into these concepts in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. If you found this article helpful, I think you’ll find the book even more insightful.

Happiness isn’t a destination. It’s a way of life. Cultivate these habits, practice mindfulness, and watch as your life blossoms into a more joyful and fulfilling journey.