I Thought I Knew Why Women Cheat After Dating a Married Woman

I dated a married woman years ago and learned a lot from her when it comes to cheating women. She said she was unhappy in her marriage but loved her husband very much, the reason she couldn’t leave the marriage. I didn’t have any special reason for being with her, except that I enjoyed the intimacy I had with her and the thrilling nature of our affair.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

Her husband was a struggling man when they met. According to her, she came from a wealthy family and had no business dating a man of his caliber, but it was love that made her decide to stay and grow their relationship even when a section of her family didn’t approve of it. She told me, “I’d spent all my life being a good girl and obeying my parents. For once, I decided to do things my own way, even if they didn’t approve.”

So she went ahead and married a man who couldn’t afford to rent a comfortable place for them to live in, so they were living in one of the houses that belonged to her mother. When they had their first child, the man also had his first financial breakthrough. He landed a great contract that changed the tune of his life. According to her, her husband changed when money started coming into his hands.

I asked if she caught him cheating, and she said, “No, I haven’t seen him cheating, but he’s a man. Everything is possible.”

I would be with her and her husband would call. Sometimes, during intimacy, her husband would call and she would look at the phone and continue doing it with me until she was done. She would then pick up the phone and say, “I’m working.” Her husband would innocently talk to her in a happy tone and say he couldn’t wait to have her home.

She would dress up and leave my place like a saint. While she was gone, I would be thinking about everything that happened and the fact that her husband didn’t know. She travelled with me to the Volta Region one weekend. She was attending a funeral, and I went with her. Their child fell sick and her husband called, telling her their child had been admitted. Right after the conversation ended, she jumped on me and started initiating intimacy.

She wanted us to do things she’d never done with her husband because her husband would object. Every day came with a new desire. She said her husband wasn’t half the man that I was. She didn’t give me money, and I also didn’t give her money. I didn’t even have a quarter of the money she had. Sometimes she gave me gifts, but the main thing between us was the intimacy.

One evening she called to ask me to meet her in a hotel, and I did. All night she ranted about her job, friends she had supported but who had turned their backs on her. She ranted about her marriage too and later fell asleep. In the middle of the night, she woke up and said, “At least you listened. The one in the house doesn’t have the time to listen to me.” We spent the rest of the night cuddling but nothing sexual. Early the next day, we parted.

I didn’t know that was going to be the last time for us. I would have savored the moment better than I did. She changed drastically after that day. She didn’t call and didn’t text for days. My messages were left hanging. At a point, I thought her husband had caught her, but months later she told me she was just going through a phase and decided to stay away.

I thought I knew women because of her. I thought I understood women better because of the experience I had with her and the things she complained about. I even boldly told my friends how they should handle their girlfriends so they wouldn’t cheat on them. When the married woman left, I started growing my own relationship with Martha, a lady I’d always had a thing for.

It was good, I thought, until a few months later she left me. Her reason was that I was suffocating her with calls and it looked like I didn’t trust her. All I did was call her every day and night, trying to understand how her day was. I wanted to be the one she talked to, so I opened my ears and heart to her, but that didn’t work. She wanted something different.

The next one was Erica. She cheated with a married man. When I caught her, she told me the man gave her more than I cared to give. Yes, I didn’t give her so much money, but emotionally I was present. I helped with her assignments, and sometimes I attended her online classes for her and taught her what was taught. When she needed money and asked, I gave her what I had. But to her, that wasn’t enough.

I invested two years of my time in that relationship. When it ended, I told myself never again would I invest that much in a woman. To me, women don’t know what they actually want. You’ll listen to them narrate everything they want and later see them doing exactly what they said they didn’t want.

I think that was what happened to the married woman I dated. I never spoke to her husband, but I believe him. The fault was from the wife. She cheated not because he didn’t do much. She cheated because she didn’t know what she actually wanted in a man.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

That’s the theory I’m walking with in life now. I’m thirty-four and single. When I need intimacy, I get it some way, somehow, but with no commitment to where I get it from. I guess this is the only way a man can guard his heart because a woman will do what she wants to do and later blame it on you for pushing her to do what she didn’t want to do.

This is not advice to men or anyone. This is my lived experience, and I’m sharing it to see if any man here can relate. At this rate, I don’t think I will marry. It will be very hard for me to trust a woman.

—Lesly   

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******