How to Recognize and Appreciate the Benefits of the Friend Zone

You’ve likely experienced rejection at some point in your life. You met someone, started developing feelings for them and built up the courage to shoot your shot... only to be turned down, leaving you to find out they'd prefer it if you simply stay just friends. In the olden days, they sometimes referred to this as unrequited love; nowadays, we employ a different term: the friend zone. Reading those two words side-by-side is enough to make anyone who’s been there tense up in the shoulders. Why? Because the friend zone has a reputation for being the type of place you don’t want to be. It’s synonymous with rejection in many ways, and for some can even be an untenable state of existence. That said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. RELATED: Chelsea Handler and Jo Koy Prove the Best Relationships Begin in Friendship You might want to make sure you’re sitting down before you read the next part of this sentence, but the friend zone does have some benefits. Yes, you read that right: The friend zone can be a space filled with potential rather than misery.  Don’t take our word for it, though. We reached out to a couple of dating experts to walk us through this — from what being in the friend zone actually means, to your chances of potentially leveraging your situation into something more. What Does It Mean When You've Landed in the Friend Zone? You can end up in the friend zone for a number of reasons, but they’re not all necessarily bad. “Sometimes there is just not an attraction physically,” says Stef Safran, owner of Stef and the City, a Chicago-based dating service. “Sometimes it's emotional. Someone might see that they are unsure if this can be a long-term thing. Sometimes it might be that they like someone else more than you.” Being friend zoned, Safran explains, means the person enjoys spending time with you without having the desire to move things in a physical direction. Never say never, of course, but it's certainly not for the time being. “It can be personal, but it also can be circumstantial,” she notes. “It could move in a romantic direction, but I wouldn’t count on it.” According to Nick Notas, dating and confidence consultant, guys who wind up getting friend zoned by women they’re attracted to tend to share particular characteristics. “Often the guys who end up there have qualities these women appreciate: they’re emotionally available, considerate, and loyal,” he says. “On rarer occasions, it’s a way for a woman to get attention or validation.” Both Safran and Notas agree on this: Once there, the friend zone tends to be a place of permanent residence. But, of course, there are exceptions to every rule. What Are the Benefits of Being in the Friend Zone? While the friend zone can feel like a desolate wasteland of shriveled-up, romantic dreams, it can, at times, serve as the lead up to a fulfilling relationship. “Sometimes, it takes people a while to actually open up and get close to one another on a real level,” explains Notas. “Humans are complex. We often don’t know what we want and it evolves over time. I know some couples who started that way and are now truly happy together. Getting to know someone on a deeper level is still a good thing.” That sloth-like, slow start baked into being friends first can help two potential romantic partners build a solid foundation if ever they decide to take that leap and take things to another level. “People who start with a friendship basis can often have much stronger relationships than those who start on purely a physical attraction,” explains Safran. “Many people get sexually involved too quickly with a new romantic relationship and they are left questioning the actual connection once the physical part of the relationship settles down. While attraction is necessary for a good romantic relationship, it is necessary to have shared values, the ability to connect as friends, and to overall see them beyond the physical.” Being in the friend zone can also come in handy when you think you’ve met the right person, but it may not be the right time. In that scenario, it’s safest not to push things, suggests Safran, but to be there for them in the way they need — as a friend — and see if something doesn’t come to fruition down the line. What If Getting Out of the Friend Zone Seems Impossible? On the other hand, if it’s truly not meant to be, the friend zone can still offer benefits — they’re just, let’s say, a little more difficult to appreciate. “I think it’s important for men to be okay with not everyone liking them," explains Notas. "You learn to not take rejection personally, stop wasting time on unavailable women, and reinforce that your [own] worth is not determined by someone else.” They can be hard pills to swallow in the moment, but even though it may suck at the time, the chance to become a better version of yourself — to recognize your self-worth and take stock of what you bring to the table, regardless of what others think — is there for the taking. You just have to seize on it. You Might Also Dig: How to Ask Your Friend Out Why You Should Embrace the Concept of Female Friends Not Sure If It’s a Relationship or a Close Friendship Vibe? Here’s How to Tell