How to deal with a cheating partner without resorting to revenge

If you've been on Twitter lately, you've probably seen the name Montoya all over your timeline. His viral meltdown after catching his girlfriend cheating has sparked debates, memes, and some serious relationship hot takes.

Some people say he deserved it because he cheated first. Others argue that his "cheating" was just a kiss, while his girlfriend took things way further. And then there’s the group that believes cheating is cheating, no matter how big or small.

But let’s be real, cheating hurts. It can leave you feeling betrayed, humiliated, and out for blood. When someone breaks your trust like that, the first instinct is often to get even, whether that means cheating back, exposing them online, or making their life miserable.

But is revenge really the best way to deal with it? Absolutely not.

Here’s how you can handle a cheating partner with maturity and self-respect, without stooping to their level.

1. Allow yourself to feel everything

First things first: you're allowed to be angry, sad, shocked, or even numb. Cheating hits hard, and pretending you're okay when you're not will only make things worse.

Cry if you need to. Vent to a friend. Write a long, angry message (just don’t send it!).

Revenge comes from unprocessed emotions. If you rush to get even, you're reacting from a place of hurt, not strength.

Instead, give yourself space to sit with your emotions before making any decisions.

2. Confront them but stay cool

You need answers, and that’s fair. But before you pull a Montoya-level meltdown, take a deep breath.

Decide: Do you want to have a calm conversation, or do you just want to hear their excuses? If you want closure, talk to them calmly. Ask why they did it, but don’t expect honesty.

If you already know you can’t forgive them, there’s no need for a dramatic confrontation. Sometimes, the best response is walking away quietly.

Whatever you do, don’t beg for explanations. If they cheated, they disrespected you, and you owe yourself better.

3. Don’t try to “teach them a lesson”

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to make their cheating partner regret it.

But here’s the truth: Cheaters rarely learn from revenge and hurting them won’t heal you.

Cheating back, humiliating them online, or blasting their business on social media might feel satisfying in the moment, but long-term? It just makes things messier.

The best revenge is moving on and living well.

4. Ask yourself: can you forgive?

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what they did—it’s about freeing yourself from the pain. Can you rebuild trust? If yes, couples therapy might help. Do you want to? If not, that’s okay too. You’re not obligated to stay with someone who broke your heart.

Just don’t force yourself to stay out of fear of being alone. You deserve loyalty, not damage control.

ALSO READ: Here's why women forgive cheating more than men

5. Cut off the emotional lifeline

If the relationship is over, let it be over. Unfollow them, mute their posts, stop checking if they’re online.

The more you engage, the harder it is to heal. Don’t let their presence keep you stuck in the past.

6. Focus on yourself, not their downfall

Instead of wasting energy on revenge, use it to level up:

• Hit the gym.

• Start a new hobby.

• Go on a solo trip.

• Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you.

The best way to make a cheater regret their actions? Show them they had a diamond and fumbled it. So, instead of getting revenge, choose growth. It’s the real win.

ALSO READ: Here are five signs your woman is cheating on you