how do I deal with the two-faced manager who laid me off?

A reader writes:

I’ve been working in the marketing department of a large company for nine years, in a somewhat specialized role. I sit within a smaller subteam originally managed by “Jean-Luc,” who was the kind of manager everyone hopes for — fiercely protective of his team, willing to go to bat for any of us, and fair if it came down to any issues that needed dealing with.

At the beginning of the year, Jean-Luc told us that he’d be moving on and assured us he’d be directly responsible for hiring his replacement to ensure a good fit. Two weeks before he left (I’m in the UK and we typically have three-month notice periods), he hired “Kai Wynn,” who seemed very knowledgeable and interested in my specialist area, so I was looking forward to expanding my own knowledge and geeking out about it with her.

Sadly, that hasn’t happened. Six months after Kai Wynn took over, she told me and another role specialist (different area) that our roles would be made redundant and a single role would be created, which we were both welcome to apply for. The new role is basically an expansion of the role my colleague is doing, though in an area I have some previous experience in, and my role is going to be outsourced to an agency. We both applied for the role and my colleague got it — not surprising as the interview task and job description were basically what she already does. So I was laid off, with a (thankfully generous) severance.

It feels like Kai has set this up deliberately to get rid of me, knowing I wouldn’t have had the experience to compete with my colleague. Some of my other colleagues (the ones I can trust to confide in) have said it all looks suspicious too. It especially stings as I’ve just got a mortgage, so now I’m panicking about being able to get another job to avoid losing my house.

I’ve been given an end date of six weeks hence, with a further six weeks pay in lieu of the remaining notice (fairly standard here, I think). Thankfully I work remotely so I don’t have to see her or my other colleagues in person during these last few weeks. I’m also undecided if I want a leaving-do — it’s standard practice in our team when someone leaves of their own accord, but it doesn’t feel appropriate for my situation. I also don’t want to socialize with Kai for obvious reasons!

Kai is now being overly nice in our weekly one-on-ones, asking if I’m okay and if I need anything, offering to help me with my CV, and even sending me job listings that match my skill set. It’s coming across as really two-faced and insidious, and I’m having to hold myself back from saying, “No, I’m not okay — you’ve kicked me out of the job I love!”

She’s now asked me to do a handover in my last few weeks for the agency and my colleague who got the role, which feels like a real kick in the teeth. Honestly, I feel so hurt by how she’s gone about this that I’m tempted to just refuse, and let her deal with the fallout, but that feels unfair to my other colleagues who would be left to try and unpick my processes without documentation. How should I handle my feelings of resentment towards her until I leave?

It’s completely understandable to feel resentment toward a new manager who came in and eliminated your job … but I think you’re reading more into it than probably happened.

If Kai felt your team didn’t need both roles and would be better served by combining them into one (or if she needed to make budget cuts and judged this the least-bad of the places to cut), it makes sense that this happened. It doesn’t mean it was personal or that she set out to get rid of you specifically or was engaging in any double-dealing; it’s much more likely that it’s just what she judged made the most sense for the business (even though that doesn’t make it suck any less for you personally). It’s also possible that the decision came from above her.

I also wouldn’t assume she deliberately set you up to compete against your coworker while knowing for sure that you wouldn’t get the job; she might have figured it was fairer to let you both interview for it. (If she hadn’t offered that and instead had just laid you off from the get-go, you might have resented that she didn’t even give you a chance to compete for the job. Or maybe you personally wouldn’t have, but a lot of people would!)

It also makes sense that she’s being nice in your one-on-ones and offering to help in your job search. Managers should be supportive of people whose jobs are cut and should be doing exactly the things she’s doing.

You don’t have to like her or respect her judgment or anything like that — you’re allowed to feel bitter! — but it’ll be easier to make peace with what happened if you don’t look at it as dishonesty or back-stabbing.

None of that means that this isn’t awful for you. It is. But acting in your own interests would mean taking her up on her offers to help with your CV and or at least to send you job listings, and even asking if she knows of any openings she can connect you with. You don’t have to; it’s your prerogative to decide you can’t stomach that … but why not get some benefit on your way out?

With the handover work, you don’t need to go above-and-beyond, but you should at least do it at a level that won’t make her retract those offers of help or change the kind of reference you might get from the company in the future.

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