How colourism shapes mate selection, dating and attraction in Nigeria

In 2022, I caught the attention of a man who wanted me as his mate.

While his presentation was shy, he soon became outspoken on our very first date. He spent time talking about himself and then landed on my desirability.

Without mincing words, he said, "you are light-skinned" and added, "that is the reason I became interested in you. I can't be with a woman who is not light-skinned."

You should have seen my face. Flushed is an understatement. Flattered? Maybe the ignorant me was.

When the conversation shifts to colourism, what is often highlighted is the representation in media (music videos, ads, fashion, movies): let's have more dark-skinned vixens and models; why are light-skinned actresses often cast as female leads?; and so on.

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These angles are all valid, but what about when it comes to matters of the heart? How much does colourism shape who we are attracted to, who we date, and ultimately, who we marry? The answer: more than we like to admit.

The roots of colourism in Nigeria

Colourism is not new. It stretches back to colonial times when fairer skin was associated with priviledge, class, and proximity to whiteness. Over time, those ideas seeped into Nigerian society, where lighter skin became equated with refinement and desirability.

Pop culture has only reinforced this bias. Meanwhile, the billion-naira skin-bleaching industry shows how deeply tied skin tone is to desirability politics. Behind every jar of whitening cream is the silent message: lighter is better, lighter is lovelier, lighter means more wanted.

saying you prefer dating people with lighter skin is colorist. saying you prefer people with darker skin is not, bc of the power dynamic. power is the underlying issue for these systemic issues. who you hump on/date is such a small part of colorism. it’s not rocket science. pic.twitter.com/yi4KMaEkWg

— 5hahem (@shaTIRED) December 19, 2024

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When attraction is not colour-blind

As a darkskin girly I noticed I don’t get approached as much compared to my lighter skinned friends. And ever since I’ve noticed, I haven’t been the same.

— Shayla

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