How Can We Get My Sister Out Of Her Marriage?

My elder sister has always been a no-nonsense person — firm, bold, and never one to tolerate rubbish. Everyone knew she couldn’t be pressured into doing anything she didn’t want to do. She had a mind of her own, and while we admired that about her, it often caused friction whenever our interests clashed.

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Then she entered a relationship, and everything changed. She became secretive, and because she lived far away, we didn’t know what she was going through. No one could tell where her salary went, but by the first week of every month, she was always broke.

We knew she wasn’t a spendthrift, and she rarely contributed to family expenses. Later, we discovered that all her money was going to her boyfriend. It was shocking! My sister, of all people, had become enslaved to a man?

When that relationship ended, by God’s grace, she met another suitor — the kind every mother would pray for. He was wealthy, respectable, and dignified. The arrangement was initiated through my mom and one of his relatives.

His family adored my sister, especially his mother. They called often, invited her home whenever he was around, and treated her like royalty. But my sister wouldn’t pick up their calls, was distant, and constantly gave excuses that she was busy. She barely spoke to the man and didn’t give his family a chance to get to know her.

My mom did her best to encourage the relationship, but my sister wasn’t cooperative. One day, the man’s entire family visited our home. It was supposed to be the final meeting before the wedding arrangements began. My sister knew she was supposed to be present. They waited for days, but my sister never showed up.

The marriage plans were called off, and within three months, the man married someone else. It was a grand wedding, one that left my parents deeply disappointed. Still, life went on.

About a year later, my sister got married to another man. His finances weren’t promising, but we assumed he had potential — maybe a vision or drive that convinced her to accept him. He claimed to sell cars. We learned later that he was merely a middleman who earned commissions.

He often boasted of his siblings abroad who supported him. That was all he had. No job, no business, no side hustle. In hindsight, the signs were there. We should have known something was off when his mother seemed excited that her son had married a financially stable woman with a good salary and steady promotions.

After the wedding, my sister who used to help with our rent and school fees, stopped contributing entirely. She became even more distant. She barely picked up calls and kept everything to herself. We didn’t think much of it until she gave birth to twins.

When our mother went over to help her take care of the babies, she discovered the truth about my sister’s marriage.

My sister’s husband was a heavy smoker, who ate multiple times a day and constantly demanded money to buy weed. He had seized my sister’s credit cards and squandered all her earnings. She had no money for upkeep, wore faded clothes to work and hospital visits, and barely fed herself or the babies.

My sister is now a shadow of her former self. She shoulders every financial burden but cannot take care of herself. She cries in private but continues to endure. When my mother spoke to her, she said it was just one of those challenges in marriage. She doesn’t see it as a problem worth leaving over. If anyone tries to reason with her, she blocks the person.

Worse still, whatever is discussed with her ends up with her husband. One too many times, he has called to threaten our parents to stay out of his marriage.

We are all deeply worried. This is not the sister we know. She was strong, independent, and outspoken but now, she behaves like someone under a spell. She doesn’t think she needs help, and that’s the scariest part. It’s not love. It’s not fear. It’s as if her senses have been seized.

She starves with her babies, works tirelessly, and still looks miserable. For someone who used to dress her best, she now barely resembles herself. This is not ordinary. Even when her babies are starving, she still gives everything to her husband. She earns almost a million but constantly borrows just to satisfy his demands. When she doesn’t have money, he gets angry and yells until she borrows again for him.

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How can someone in their right mind live like this? We fear losing her if something isn’t done soon. We are praying, but prayer alone might not be enough.

Please, we need advice and suggestions. How can we help a woman who doesn’t believe she needs help? Could this be spiritual?

—Zyana

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