Here's How to Satisfy any Woman

Think of a popular sex scene from any movie you love. I'm willing to bet it ends in a mutual, simultaneous orgasm for both partners without any hiccups or workshopping — even though they're having sex with each other for the very first time. RELATED: Lies Pop Culture Taught Us About Love, Sex & Romance If you've been expecting sex to work like that without having to put in any effort, well, I feel sorry for your partners. In the real world, the recipe for satisfying sex requires a few key ingredients and some practice. But when you do it right, there will be signs your partner is satisfied. Here are a few expert tips for how to satisfy any woman. 1. Get in the Mindset of Caring About Her Pleasure Many of the cultural scripts guys learn growing up tell them to be in control, masculine and dominant in bed. There’s nothing wrong with these traits in and of themselves, but focusing on those (or simply your own pleasure) while ignoring your partner’s actual experience is an easy way to simply be bad in bed. At the end of the day, sex is about give-and-take and being in touch with the other person in an intimate way, so making sure you’re tuned into the experience your partner is having is paramount. RELATED: How to Make the Sex Better for Her The easiest way to know how things are going is to ask (more on that later), but paying attention to her cues can also be useful. Things like what she’s doing with her hands (Grabbing you, pulling you in closer or deeper? Playing with her nipples or clitoris?), and what she’s doing with her voice (Making sounds of pleasure? Asking you for more? Telling you she likes what you’re doing?) are often signs you're on the right track. 2. Don't Be Afraid to Take Things Slow at First Satisfying sex is a marathon, not a sprint. Dr. Jenni Skyler, LMFT, certified sex therapist for AdamEve.com, says slow is the way to go for optimal sexual satisfaction. “Start slow, like super slow, and be subtle,” she says. “You can always speed up and go harder, but it's difficult to backtrack for some people.” Also, whatever you do, don't skip the foreplay. “Don't rush to the genitals, to intercourse, to anything,” says Skyler. This warm-up period is pretty essential for female pleasure (and orgasm). Every vagina owner's timeline is different, but focusing a solid 20 minutes on the foreplay she likes best is a good rule of thumb. “Make those genitals yearn for contact, begging to be touched and explored,” says Skyler. RELATED: How to Tease Her Sexually Until She's Begging for It Once you've spent adequate time turning her on, you can slowly pick up the pace (consensually). 3. Ask Questions About What She Likes “Sexual satisfaction is born from curiosity,” says Skyler. You have the roadmap with all the answers in front of you — all you need to do is ask. If straightforward sex talk like asking your partner what they like in bed feels awkward or embarrassing, try open-ended questions that allow for elaboration. “Consider questions like, ‘What do you like?’ ‘What do you want?’ ‘How do you feel?’” Skyler suggests. Once you get comfortable talking about this with your partner, try asking for real-time feedback the next time you two go at it. “How does this feel?” “Faster?” or “Do you want to try ___?” can make things feel hotter in the moment. RELATED: Clever Dirty Talk Phrases That Are Also Sexual Consent Questions But it's also important to be prepared for honest feedback and take it constructively. “Be open to learning things you didn't expect and getting triggered by things you didn't expect,” says Skyler. “Be ready to be vulnerable, even if it's to say, ‘This feels hard,’ or ‘I feel inadequate.’” Remember, trust is built through vulnerability, which is key for more satisfying intimacy. “When you can make it through the fears, more satisfaction lies on the other side,” says Skyler. 4. Don't Try Moves She Hasn't Consented To Speaking of trust, consent is another hallmark of satisfying sex. It doesn't matter how long you've been together or how well you know your partner. No one likes to have something they’re not prepared for or into sprung on them in the middle of things. Doing so can make someone feel pressured to say yes in the moment, which can lead to hurt and resentful feelings afterward. RELATED: Examples of How to Ask for Consent From a Partner Whether it's a new position, toy, or even a new type of lube, make sure you have your partner's enthusiastic buy-in before bringing it to the bedroom. 5. Remember the Power of the Clitoris It's a fact that most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Luckily, there are over 10,000 nerve endings in the clitoris (compared to the roughly 4,000 you have in your penis glans), so a little bit of stimulation goes a long way. Much more so than straightforward penetration, clit stimulation is key for satisfying sex with vagina owners. Make sure it's part of your repertoire but also well-timed. Ideally, incorporate it as part of foreplay after you've warmed your partner up. There are plenty of couples' toys that can be used to stimulate the clit during penetration as well — just make sure your partner is on board before using them. You Might Also Dig: What Makes a Man Good in Bed? 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