He Lives in My House With Me But in a Relationship With Another Woman

We were in school together. He helped me a lot while we were in school. We were in the same study group, and when I needed extra help, he was there for me. I developed feelings for him at some point, but he didn’t notice. I thought if I made it a little obvious he would know, but he didn’t take the bait. I kept my love for him to myself until school was over.

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After school, he was the only person I kept in contact with. We didn’t talk all the time, but once in a while, he would say hello, or I would, and we would talk all day. I knew what he did for work, and he also knew mine. We interacted on social media and wherever our online paths crossed. Six years after school, he called to tell me the company he was working for was taking him abroad to work, but he needed to be in Accra for a month before traveling.

He needed a place to stay for only a month. “That will be very difficult. Unless you stay in a hotel, I don’t think you’ll get a place to rent for a month,” I told him. After several days of going back and forth about this, I offered him my place and he took it. After all, it was for only a month.

He came to stay with me, and it felt like nothing had been lost since the time we were in school. We were bubbly and playful all day. I would cook for us. He would help me clean, we would watch a movie all night until we retired to bed. We slept in separate rooms. I started developing feelings for him again. This time it was stronger because we lived together. He also felt it and showed it in different ways. One day he tried to kiss me, but I avoided the kiss.

I was in love, but I wanted things to be done right. “Why are you kissing me?” I asked. “I can’t explain the feeling,” he answered. “It’s so strong, Diana.” I asked, “Is that your way of saying we should start something together?”

He paused for a while and said, “I’m not sure.” I told him to be sure first because I didn’t want something that doesn’t have a name. He tried again a day later and even came to my room to hold me in his embrace. He kept me there all night. I was feeling the warmth. My heart said I should let myself go. My mind said I should be sure of what I was going to have before I have it. So I closed my door every night before I went to sleep.

“What are you unsure of?” I asked.
“The distance that might exist between us, and also, there’s a woman in my life. It’s not anything in particular, but she’s there.”

Once I knew there was someone in his life, I started counting the days until he would leave my place. But his office kept postponing the travel, so he kept living with me. One month turned to three months, and I could see he loved the fact that I was cooking for him, providing companionship, and also hosting him. He loved our living situation so much he consistently told me that he wished it never ended. “It’s like we were married. Eii, that means married couples are enjoying, ooo.”

But he wasn’t ready to commit. One day it became very definite that his travel arrangement had been canceled, but he was going to stay in Accra. They even gave him a transfer letter stating his new role and station. He was disappointed but happy that he could stay in Accra. I told him, “Then we need to start looking for a place for you.” He responded, “I thought we were happy here. Why do I need to move?”

I told him I couldn’t continue to live with him when there was nothing going on. He said we could start something together now that he was assured he wasn’t traveling. I asked, “How about your girlfriend? The lady in your life?” He answered, “Don’t worry about her. It’s not that deep.”

I didn’t know her, but to me, it was deep. I told him that as long as there was someone in his life, it wouldn’t work. He asked me for some time. “Time to do what?
“Time to break up with her.”
“That’s fine, but you don’t get the time here. Do it while away from here. Come back when you’re sure.”

He didn’t want to go away. He lived with me, doing everything to let me know I was the one he loved. He showed me a breakup message from the lady, but when I asked if I could call the number to confirm, he told me the breakup was too fresh, so the lady would be even more hurt if I called to let her know I’m the one he’s dating. He’s doing everything to continue to live with me, but I’m not buying it.

Currently, I’ve left my room for him. I’ve gone to live with my sister, who already knows about the issue. She said, “Can’t you throw his things outside? He should go to his girlfriend. What is he doing taking over your house?”

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But I think being here gives me time away from him to reflect and also gives him time to reflect on what he really wants. He says he wants me. He says I should come home, but I’ve given him one month. If he doesn’t move, I’ll be forced to evict him. But the tiny voice in my head keeps whispering, “Give him a chance. It will work out just fine.”

Do you agree with the voice in my head?

—Diana

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