He Is Living With Another Woman But He Is Holding Me Captive

I met my fiancé when I was in my final year at the university. At that time, he was everything I thought I wanted in a man. I was 23 years old. After school, I got pregnant while doing my national service. He was abroad then, and when I told him, he encouraged me to keep the pregnancy. I had our first child, and when he returned to the country, we lived together as a married couple.

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Along the line, I began seeing hints of infidelity — messages and pictures. I didn’t take them seriously because my father always advised me that nowhere is perfect, so I overlooked everything. He travelled again, and during his stay abroad, I saw even more signs of cheating. Again, I ignored it, convincing myself that he was a man with needs and I wasn’t there.

When he came back, I got pregnant with our second child. This time, the cheating became intense. I was so stressed and depressed that I eventually had a miscarriage. We separated after that. He moved in with his new girlfriend, and I went back to my parents’ house. Our families tried to reconcile us, but it didn’t work. Because of our daughter, we still had occasional contact.

Both families later agreed that he should rent a place for me and our child, and he did. I didn’t know he kept a spare key. One evening, while I was taking my bath, I heard someone unlocking my door. I rushed out to check on my daughter and shouted to ask who it was. He replied that it was him. He entered, and we argued. I didn’t understand why he would invade my privacy.

He told me he came to check if I had brought another man there. I was wearing only a towel, so I went back to the washroom to put on clothes. He followed me, came at me and forced himself on me. When he finished he said, “I will never allow any man near you.” He scared me.

Early the next morning, I left and went back to my mother’s house and remained there. When they asked me why, I couldn’t tell them that my husband broke into my apartment and violated me.

Two months later, I found out I was pregnant again. I told him, and he said it was good news. I didn’t want to keep it initially, but because of what he said, I did. When I later asked for upkeep money, he told me that if I wouldn’t allow him to sleep with me, he wouldn’t give me anything. I was working at the time, so I managed on my own. He supported only when he felt like it.

When I finally gave birth, he split the hospital bills with me. A few months later, he repeated that he would never allow another man near me. “Now you even have two children so no man will take you seriously.”

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He was clearly trying to use the children to control me. Even now, he shows up unannounced. Sometimes he comes to my workplace , hoping to catch me with another man even though he is living with another woman.

I reported all this to my dad and his family, but both sides told me that because of the children, I cannot stop him from coming around. I’m not interested in another relationship at the moment, but I can feel he is holding me down and trying to control my life. How can I stop him before it gets worse than this?

—Melly

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