Female Pleasure Mistakes Guys Make

Whether you’re straight, bi, pan or self-describe some other way, if you’re a guy who’s attracted to women, you probably care at least a little bit about being good in bed. Of course, not everyone does — but if you’re reading this article, I’m going to assume you do at least a little bit. And one of the best ways to get better at something (besides practice) is to learn from your mistakes. RELATED: Sex Myths It's Time We Stopped Believing So what are some common mistakes that guys make when it comes to female pleasure? Let’s dig in. 1. Assuming All Women Want the Same Things If you’ve been with more than one partner before, you might be tempted to try certain moves that worked with one person to your play with another person. And there’s nothing wrong with that impulse, but in practice, carrying it out could have a variety of less-than-pleasant consequences. RELATED: Things You Shouldn't Try in Bed Without Asking For one, everyone’s body is a little bit different, and everyone’s desires and fantasies are a little bit different, which means that the techniques (whether it’s a certain kind of dirty talk or a certain move) that get one person off will feel boringly neutral to another person and actively unpleasant to yet another person. Just because one move made a given partner go crazy with pleasure is not guarantee that someone else will enjoy it, and anything that’s a bit more kinky — like spanking, slapping, choking, or spitting, for instance — should be discussed beforehand. Just because porn performers jump into a certain act or use certain words without asking for consent first doesn’t mean that real-life women want those things done to them. RELATED: Porn Moves You Shouldn't Try IRL 2. Not Caring at All About Her Pleasure Unfortunately, something called the orgasm gap exists. It’s a term to describe the fact that women cum a lot less from partnered hetero sex than men do, which is a bit of a bummer when you think about it. It’s not because they can’t cum, it’s because their partners aren’t making them cum. And that’s more than a skill issue — that’s a caring issue. If you’re not very sexually experienced, you could be forgiven for being so excited (and/or freaked out) once penetration starts to think about the other person’s pleasure a ton. But beyond your first few times, that stops being a good excuse. RELATED: Why You Should Go Down on Her on Your Next Hookup As you gain experience, hopefully you’re spending more time thinking about your partners’ pleasure. Asking questions about what they like, trying different things, and being open to feedback can go a long way towards making you an incredible lover. 3. Over-Focusing on Orgasm Paradoxically, getting too focused on your partner’s orgasm is also a negative trait that some guys possess. If you act like it’s a matter of life and death whether your partner came or not, that can make sex a tense, pressure-filled affair for them that can in fact make it harder to cum. Of course, making your partner cum is awesome, and it can be a kind of badge of honor. There’s nothing wrong with being super proud of making someone orgasm, nor is there anything wrong with being disappointed if you don’t. But if you’re vocal and/or insistent about it enough, you can make it into too big of a deal — to the point where it becomes unpleasant for the other person. RELATED: Why You Need to Care Less About the Female Orgasm The solution? Focus on pleasure generally, not orgasm specifically. If you tell your partner(s), “I want to make you feel really good,” that can be less fraught than making them feel like they have to cum, or else. Lots of pleasure without much pressure is the recipe for orgasms. 4. Ignoring the Clit One really great way to make your partner(s) feel a lot of pleasure? Spend a good amount of time getting to know the clitoris. To drastically simplify a complex situation, as human embryos develop and begin to develop sexual characteristics, the tissue that turns into a penis in male fetuses turns into a clitoris in female ones. Meaning, a similar nerve-ending density exists in both parts, and if you have either one, you probably enjoy having it touched by people you’re attracted to. And what that means is that, while penetrative sex is all well and good, if you have a vagina, your most sensitive sex organ is missing most of the action. RELATED: Why You Should Master Non-Penetrative Sex Being a good lover means spending time (assuming this is desired — as noted earlier, not all women like the same things!) lavishing pleasant touch on the clit. Whether your partner likes slow, or fast, hard or soft, or different things at different times, using your fingers, tongue, erection or sex toys to play with their clitoris is highly likely to produce a lot of pleasure. Treating it as an afterthought, on the other hand, is highly likely to disappoint. 5. Ignoring the G-Spot While the clit appears from the outside to be a little button-like thing at the top of the vaginal entrance, it actually extends deeply into the body, and recent research into female sexual anatomy has led sexologists to begin discussing it in terms of the “clitero-urethro-vaginal complex.” In short, the whole thing is interconnected. That’s likely an explanation for the existence of the infamous G-spot, which may just be the inside portion of the extended clitoris. It’s located on the front wall of the vagina, meaning you access it by inserting fingers (or a sex toy) into the opening and then curling them up and in. Proper stimulation will cause an erection-like engorgement, and the G-spot itself will begin to feel somewhat raised compared to the rest of the tissues around it. G-spot stimulation can be a great way to make her cum, and it’s also typically the best way to make her squirt, too. (Though, like climaxes generally, getting over-focused on making someone squirt can also make it less likely to occur.) So while outer stimulation of the clit is often preferred, G-spot stimulation is another powerful way to make people with vaginas feel good, and incorporating stimulation of each will make you an even better lover. You Might Also Dig: Women Reveal What Finally Made Them OrgasmUnderstanding the Female OrgasmThings Guys Need to Unlearn About Sex