Elon Musk Suggests That He Is an Ancient Being Who Assumes Human Identities

Energy Vampire

Elon Musk fired up his X-formerly-Twitter fingers on this week suggest, with a madman's glee, that he's a time-traveling vampire. And a gamer, he added.

"Full disclosure, I'm actually a 3,000-year-old vampire," he first posted back in 2020. "It's such a trial assuming all these false identities over the centuries!"

Musk revisited the claim — surely a joke, but an embarrassingly self-aggrandizing one — this week, declaring that his X profile had been verified since 3,000 BC because he's a "time-traveling vampire alien!"

"Even though I'm 5000 years old, I think I look much younger," Musk continued, seemingly increasing his age by a full 2,000 years since 2020. 

He kept indulging the fantasy until a nocturnal 3:00 AM, posting that being a time-traveling vampire alien — vampalien? — "would explain a lot of things" about him. 

Life Force

By the next afternoon, Musk was instead obsessively responding to a now-deleted video showing a recent protest by the frequently topless radical feminist group Femen. In reaction to a crass meme saying "I found this difficult to masturbate to... but not impossible," Musk replied with his signature laughing-crying emoji. 

Musk, who has an abysmal track record with respecting women — or often other people in general — often takes refuge in these kinds of daydreams that frame him as untouchably superhuman.

Musk loves when people called him the "real-life Tony Stark," for example. He's also posted AI-generated glamor shots of himself as a technocratic Roman general, and he demurely accepted his new best friend Donald Trump extolling him for being a "super genius."

In that sense, being a time-traveling shapeshifter vampire would explain some things about Musk. For instance, it might elucidate why a guy who does things like name a government department after a dubious memecoin is a megalomaniac instead of ashamed.  

More on vampires: Anti-Aging CEO Injects Face With Strange Treatment, Experiences Bizarre Reaction

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