Deeper Life’s Marriage Rules: The shocking do’s, don’ts, and new changes

For decades, the Deeper Life Bible Church has been famous for its firm rulebook on love and marriage. But at the 2025 Global Family and Marriage Conference, Pastor W.F. Kumuyi dropped a bombshell when he announced that single men and women can now visit each other during courtship. The long-standing "no visits allowed" rule for courting couples is officially history.

The General Superintendent also revealed that the long-held six-month courtship policy has now been relaxed. “You’re marrying the man, but he has a lot of these people with him. His own mother, his own father, his own relatives… and when you get to their houses, you’ll be able to see how they relate to you,” he said, encouraging women to visit their partners during courtship to better understand the family they would be marrying into.

This is a huge shift for a church that has always been known for its firm standards, and it begs the question: are Deeper Life’s famous rules finally catching up to the 21st century?.

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Old vs. new, what has changed?

For decades, Deeper Life members were instructed to maintain a courtship of no longer than six months, with little to no physical meetings outside church supervision. Private visits were discouraged, and most communication had to pass through church-approved channels.

Now, Pastor Kumuyi has clarified that such restrictions were administrative, not divine. Members are now permitted to visit each other during courtship, provided it is done responsibly, without compromising the church’s emphasis on holiness.

Deeper Life marital rules you probably didn’t know about

So, visits are now allowed? Yes. But what else is in the rulebook?

The church has an extensive list of dos and don’ts for intending couples, documented in its official marriage guide. Here are some of the most striking:

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1. The courtship period

Couples were traditionally expected to marry within six months of beginning courtship. Officially, the guide states, "A long courtship is not encouraged because it generally runs into difficulties and often leads to a break of relationship. Six to nine months should be the maximum courtship period." 

The old six-month expectation was meant to keep couples on track and avoid what was seen as unnecessary temptation or prolonged doubt.

2. Dress approval

Brides must have their wedding gown inspected and approved by the Marriage Committee to be sure it fits their standards of modesty. This means no deep neckline, see-through lace, or flashy designs, as they are considered “worldly” and immodest. 

3. Photographer restrictions

Only photographers approved by the church can cover the event. This is meant to control the type of pictures taken and avoid what leaders describe as "worldly display."

4. Reception rules

Receptions are expected to be simple. No dancing, no spraying of money, and no "worldly music" are allowed. Even wedding cakes are not welcome. The ceremony must follow a strict, church-approved style.

5. Dowry and parental consent

Couples are clearly told, "The dowry has to be paid before the date of the wedding is obtained." They are encouraged to follow biblical customs for dowry and must secure full parental consent before finalising their wedding plans.

6. Chief bridesmaid and best man

The rule also states that the choice of chief bridesmaid and best man must be accepted by the church.

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Controversial or highly restrictive rules still in place

While the visitation policy has changed, many rules remain as strict as ever. Here are some of them: 

• Members who get pregnant before marriage, marry outside the church, or engage in "worldly" practices may face suspension or be asked to repent publicly.

• The church discourages marriages with non-members, urging couples to marry only within Deeper Life.

• Although visits are now permitted, overnight stays or private seclusion remain strictly forbidden.

• Watching secular movies, listening to non-gospel music, or hosting loud parties is considered inappropriate and ungodly for members. 

• Church workers are held to an even stricter code, with expectations to "live above sin and maintain pure conduct at all times."

Why these rules exist

Pastor Kumuyi has repeatedly stated that these rules were set to help members maintain holiness and avoid the pitfalls of modern courtship culture. He clarified that they are not divine commandments but administrative guidelines shaped by the church’s interpretation of modesty and purity. In his words, "These are measures to keep people away from sin, but they are not the commandments of God."

A notable example of how seriously these rules are enforced is the 2013 case of Pastor Kumuyi's own son, John Kumuyi, and his wife, Love. The couple was reportedly suspended after their wedding because certain elements of their ceremony, including the bride’s use of light makeup, relaxed hair, and the presence of a wedding cake, were deemed not in line with Deeper Life’s marital standards.

This incident sent a clear message: no one, not even the General Superintendent’s family, was exempt from the rules.

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How members are reacting

Some see the previous rules as outdated remnants of 1980s Pentecostal conservatism, while others argue they protect couples from moral pitfalls in a society with rising divorce rates and casual relationships.

For years, many complained that the old rules prevented them from truly knowing their spouses-to-be. Others, however, worry this may lead to abuse of the new freedom.

Outsiders considering marriage into the church often find the level of control surprising. Some adapt; others feel stifled and choose to wed elsewhere.

Here are some online reactions: 

Is Deeper Life changing?

The recent change signals a slow but notable shift. Deeper Life, once one of Nigeria's most conservative churches, is making room for modern realities while still clinging to its holiness roots. 

Whether more reforms are on the way remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: Deeper Life’s marriage rules, once viewed as unshakable, are no longer set in stone.