Dating Coach: Should I Get Penis Enlargement Surgery?

Welcome to AskMen’s latest column, Dating Coach, a monthly exploration of the difficulties guys face when it comes to modern dating. We’ve got a real, actual dating coach in Connell Barrett walking guys like you through everything from the most basic of the basics to the most pro of the pro tips. The Question I’m barely 4 inches long, fully erect. The average penis length is 5.1 to 5.5 inches, so I’m well below that. When women find out my penis is small, I feel devastated. Recently, a woman left my bedroom when she touched me, saying, “Sorry, I just can’t.” I’m considering a surgical penile implant to make me longer and wider. But it’s $16,000, and it comes with a painful recovery. I’m terrified women will keep rejecting me, but I’m also scared of going under the knife. What should I do?—It’s a Small World The Answer Penis size is overrated. If length was all that mattered to women, then Ron Jeremy would be dating Sydney Sweeney. Your problem isn’t the size of your penis. It’s the size of your self-doubt. The most universal fear men face in dating is “What if I’m not enough?” Not tall enough or handsome enough or rich enough—or in your case, not big enough in the bedroom. Few things repel women faster than insecurity, with the possible exception of shirtless bathroom selfies. I know all about self-doubt. For decades, I felt I was too shy, too nice and too nerdy—just not the outgoing “alpha male” that I thought women wanted. It was bullshit, but I believed it. And now, as a dating coach who has helped hundreds of men fix their confidence issues, I can tell you that penis enlargement surgery won’t cure what’s truly costing you with women. By walking out of your bedroom, that woman triggered your worst fear: that you’re not enough. And now that fear is whispering, “Pay $16K and cut into your manhood.” (It’s funny how that voice never says something helpful, like, “Try yoga” or “Call your mom back.”) Let’s pause your panic spiral. I know her reaction shook you. But are you going to let one person’s opinion of your penis size determine your worth as a man and send you to a surgeon? I want you to stop asking yourself, “Why am I cursed with a small penis?” and ask yourself a better question with a better answer: “Can I be desired and loved as I am? Yes!” More on that in a moment. First, let’s talk about that surgery. Should you get it?
Short answer: No! Long answer? Hell to the no! (See? Longer isn’t always better.) Penile enlargement surgery is high-risk and low-reward. We’re talking potential scarring, nerve damage, infection—and sometimes you actually lose length or wind up with a misshapen penis. One study found that 57% of men getting girth procedures were left dissatisfied because of lumps, bumps and deformities. Imagine paying $16K for a Franken-penis. It’s no wonder that the American Urological Association doesn’t recommend these surgeries for men with normal anatomy. They’re generally not proven safe or effective. In my view, penile surgery in your case isn’t self-improvement. It’s self-sabotage with a scalpel. You can absolutely find love with a below-average-sized penis, but you first need to stop listening to the lie that you’re too small for women. Then, work on making yourself more attractive as a man. Build a better you—not a bigger unit. Here’s proof that this works: My client Tyler (not his real name) came to me with your exact measurements and the same crushing doubt. Tyler felt that his 4-inch member made him un-datable. But instead of going under the knife, he worked on his self-worth. He took up Taikwando, enrolled in a sex-ed course on women’s pleasure—and stopped Googling “Do I have a micro-penis?” at 3am. Soon he was dating Donna. After their first intimate night together, she told him, “You’re such a good lover.” Tyler choked up. If you’re undersized down there, here are three much better ways than surgery to improve your dating fortunes. Write a “Confidence Creed”Romantic self-worth starts with knowing what you offer. If you don’t believe in your worth, why would any woman believe it? Write what I call a Confidence Creed—a simple, unshakable statement of your enough-ness. It should begin, “When I’m honest with myself, I know I’m worthy of love because…” and then list three specific traits that make you a great catch. Tyler wrote, “…because I’m well-educated, I have a dry sense of humor, and I run marathons—and women love smart, fit men like me.” That belief is much more truthful and empowering than “No woman on earth wants me because I have a small penis.” Read “Come As You Are” by Emily NagoskiAre women’s bodies a mystery to you? This science-packed exploration of female sexuality explains it all with science and humor. Rather than feeling insecure in the bedroom, you’ll learn how to push their, umm, buttons. (One chapter is subtitled, “The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing but the Clit.” So help me God.) Master Something Else She’ll Crave Learning to cook isn’t just about food. When you master a challenging dish (like a creamy mushroom risotto or sizzling garlic-chili stir-fry), you become more attractive to women. There’s something sexy about a guy who’s good in the kitchen. So if you can’t whip out a 12-inch c***, whip out a 12-inch wok. Oh! And with your newfound confidence (and culinary cred), this sex tip will come in handy: Try the reverse cowgirl—with a pillow assist. It’s a position that many sex educators suggest for men with smaller penises. During reverse cowgirl, place a pillow under your partner’s hips. This lift angles her pelvis so she can settle lower on you, giving you more depth while also pressing her clitoris against your pelvis. You’ll go deeper, she’ll feel more stimulation. Tyler tried it and said the pillow boost made him feel 2 inches larger—a full-on 6-incher! And Donna clearly found the reverse cowgirl to be yee-hawt. Forget about gaining more inches. Gain more confidence. Self-worth is the only enlargement that works. And it’s covered by every insurance plan. You Might Also Dig:  Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Penis Size How to Get a Bigger Penis, Revealed How to Satisfy Your Partner in Bed With a Smaller Penis