Building Friendships with Those Different from You Is Hard . . . but Worth It

A Gold Mine of Joy

When we think about loving people in church who are difficult to love—the ones who drive us crazy, maybe the people who feel a little bit closer to what Jesus says when he calls us to love our enemies—it can feel like we’re just going to have to dig in, do the hard work, and white-knuckle our way through and do what we have to do.

When we think that way, we’re missing what God has for us in the church, because the fact is that the people at your church with whom you share very little in common other than Christ have the potential to be your deepest friendships.

Let’s say that you and a friend at church share a love of football and you’re both Christians. So what do you talk about when you get together? You talk about Jesus because you’re Christians, and you talk a lot about football.

But there’s someone else you really share nothing in common with other than Christ. So how do you build a friendship with them? Well, you build it on Christ. Which is a better foundation for friendship: love of football or love for Jesus? Obviously, love for Jesus.

That other friendship is going to require more charity. It’s going to require more patience. It’s a skill you have to develop. But as you learn to build friendships with those with whom you share little in common other than Christ, what a gold mine of joy for you and glory to God that we have there.

Jamie Dunlop is the author of Love the Ones Who Drive You Crazy: Eight Truths for Pursuing Unity in Your Church.

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