7 behaviors of people who are too self-conscious to be themselves, says psychology

For years, I was too self-conscious to actually be myself.

You know the drill:

– Constantly second-guessing yourself

– Always worried about what others think

– Never feeling comfortable in social situations

– Trapped in a perpetual state of overthinking and anxiety.

As Hack Spirit’s founder and a psychology enthusiast, I, Lachlan Brown, was there once. I was caught in these behaviors that psychology points out as signs of people who are too self-conscious to be themselves.

My journey to overcome self-consciousness wasn’t easy – it took me years to understand and escape its grasp.

In this piece, I’ll share the 7 behaviors and their psychological underpinnings. I hope my insights help you find your authentic self, just like how they helped me find mine.

Let’s dive in.

1) Overthinking everything

One of the most common behaviors that psychology pinpoints in people who are too self-conscious to be themselves is overthinking.

I was guilty of this myself. Every decision, no matter how small, was a monumental task. I would agonize over every possible outcome, every potential reaction from others. It was exhausting.

The reality is, overthinking is often a sign of an underlying fear of judgment or rejection. We’re so afraid of making the wrong choice or looking foolish that we end up paralyzed by indecision.

Overcoming overthinking wasn’t easy, but it was crucial in my journey to authenticity. I started by acknowledging my fear and then slowly began challenging it.

Was it really likely that everyone would judge me? Even if they did, would it really matter?

Slowly but surely, I began to realize that most people are too busy dealing with their own lives to constantly scrutinize mine.

This realization was liberating and helped me start to let go of my overthinking habit.

If you recognize yourself in this behavior, try to challenge your fears and assumptions. You may find that they’re not as realistic as you thought.

And remember, making mistakes is a part of being human – it’s how we learn and grow.

2) Constantly seeking validation

Another behavior that psychology identifies in overly self-conscious individuals is the constant need for validation. Sadly, this was a trap I fell into quite often.

I remember once spending hours preparing a presentation for work, obsessing over every word and slide. Instead of focusing on delivering the best content, I was more worried about whether people would like me or not.

Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”

This quote resonated with me deeply during that period of my life.

I realized I was seeking validation because I wasn’t confident in my own worth. I was more concerned with others’ perception of me than my own perception of myself.

To change this, I started to focus on self-validation. I made a conscious effort to acknowledge my efforts and achievements, no matter how small they seemed.

I also started to practice self-compassion, treating myself with the same kindness and understanding I would extend to a friend.

While it’s natural to seek approval from others, it’s important to remember that the most significant validation comes from within.

If you find yourself constantly seeking external validation, consider taking some time each day to acknowledge your own worth and accomplishments.

3) Avoiding social situations

I remember countless times when I would turn down invitations to parties or get-togethers, simply because I was afraid of how I might be perceived.

I often convinced myself that people wouldn’t find me interesting or that I would say something embarrassing.

Over time, this avoidance took a toll on my relationships and overall happiness. I was missing out on life due to my self-consciousness.

The turning point came when I realized that my fears were more about me than about others.

Most people are not constantly judging others in social situations; they’re usually more focused on themselves and their own actions.

So, I decided to take small steps towards overcoming this fear. I started by attending small gatherings and worked my way up to larger events. Each time, reminding myself that it’s okay to be imperfect and that everyone else is too.

If you find yourself avoiding social situations due to self-consciousness, remember that it’s okay to be yourself, imperfections and all. People appreciate authenticity more than perfection.

4) Excessive self-monitoring

Excessive self-monitoring is yet another behavior that psychology identifies in overly self-conscious individuals. This was a habit I was all too familiar with.

I used to constantly monitor my actions, words, and even thoughts, always worried about how they would be perceived by others.

This hyperawareness of myself made it extremely hard to relax or be spontaneous.

To break this habit, I started practicing mindfulness. By focusing on the present moment, I learned to let go of my constant need to control how others perceive me.

It wasn’t easy, but with time, I could feel the weight lifting off my shoulders.

If you’re excessively self-monitoring, consider practicing mindfulness or other relaxation techniques.

Remember, it’s okay to let go of control and simply be yourself.

5) Fear of standing out

One of the more subtle behaviors of overly self-conscious individuals is the fear of standing out.

This was something I grappled with for a long time.

I used to go to great lengths to blend in with the crowd, often suppressing my own interests and opinions to avoid drawing attention to myself.

I was so afraid of being different or standing out that I ended up losing sight of who I truly was.

The problem with trying to blend in is that it prevents you from expressing your unique qualities and talents.

This realization made me understand that standing out isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it’s what makes each of us unique and interesting.

So, I made a conscious effort to embrace my individuality and express it openly.

Whether it was sharing my passion for psychology or voicing my opinion on a topic, I learned to be comfortable with standing out.

If you find yourself constantly trying to blend in, remember that your uniqueness is not a flaw but a strength. Embrace it and let it shine.

6) Constant comparison with others

The tendency to constantly compare oneself with others is a common behavior among overly self-conscious people – and I was no exception.

I would often find myself comparing my accomplishments, appearance, and even my personality with those of others.

This constant comparison made me feel inadequate and fueled my self-consciousness.

Famous psychologist Leon Festinger proposed the social comparison theory, stating that humans have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often in comparison to others.

But what I came to realize is that this comparison is often unfair and unproductive.

As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I took this quote to heart and started focusing on my own progress and growth instead of comparing myself with others.

Overcoming this habit was a gradual process. It involved consciously redirecting my focus whenever I found myself falling into the comparison trap.

If you are constantly comparing yourself to others, try focusing on your own journey instead. Remember, everyone has their own pace and path in life.

7) Minimizing personal success

Believe it or not, minimizing personal success is a behavior often seen in overly self-conscious individuals.

I found this counterintuitive at first, but then I realized I was doing it myself.

Whenever I achieved something, no matter how significant, I would downplay it.

I’d tell myself it wasn’t a big deal or that anyone could have done it. In retrospect, this was just another way of feeding my self-consciousness and diminishing my self-worth.

The problem with minimizing our success is that it robs us of the satisfaction and confidence that comes from recognizing our achievements.

It also reinforces the belief that we’re not good enough.

To counter this behavior, I started practicing self-affirmation.

Every time I achieved something, big or small, I would acknowledge it and remind myself that I worked hard for it and deserved recognition.

This practice might seem small, but it was a powerful way to boost my confidence and reduce my self-consciousness.

If you find yourself minimizing your successes, try this simple practice.

Acknowledge your achievements and give yourself the recognition you deserve. You’ll be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your self-esteem.

Conclusion

Overcoming self-consciousness is a journey, not a destination. It involves recognizing and challenging these behaviors, one step at a time.

Remember, it’s okay to be yourself, imperfections and all. Most people are too caught up in their own lives to scrutinize yours.

One practical advice I can give is to start small. Choose one behavior that resonates with you the most and work on it.

Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remember that every step you take towards overcoming self-consciousness is a step towards a more authentic and fulfilled life.

Be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and remember: You are enough just as you are.

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