True Life Story: My Best Friends Are Selfish & I Am Tired Of Our Relationship

True Life Story: My Best Friends Are Selfish & I Am Tired Of Our Relationship

Dear Lively Stones,

My story is not really about romantic relationship but its about my relationship with my two best friends. My friends and I have been best friends right from University and that is over 25 years. We are all in our forties but I am the only one that is still unmarried. The reason for me being single is story for another day, I have dated and been engaged more than I can count, but have never made it to the altar. I think I have made up my mind that its up to God now. If he wants me to marry, let Him do it but if not….I will be fine.

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Now, my issue is with my two best friends. One of them follows Lively Stones and I hope she reads this. I love these ladies with all my heart and I can take a bullet for them or any member of their family but I think the friendship is a selfish one. I know that I may have cause it because, I have always been that friend that both of them can rely on. From family to boyfriend issues, to health challenges to financial issues, for most of the 25 years we have been friends, I am usually the one they both turn to.

You can say I am the strongest of the 3 of us. I am always the one to go to for advise or comfort or for any decision. And I accepted that gladly cos I love these girls and I think my personality is that of leadership by birth. But over the years, I have realized that my friends do not love me as much as I love them and it hurts. I have realized that I even take their children as mine, their family members as mine, I celebrate their birthdays, I send gifts, I call them everyday, I visit them more than they visit me.

At first, I thought maybe because they are married, and I am not, so they are busier than me, so I sacrifice and excuse their thoughtlessness. But as years went by, I got tired. I even mentioned it to them that I think I am not being treated right and they both took it for granted that I am not being serious. Last year, I decided to try something. I did not call or visit either of them and they did not call me or visit me for almost 7 months.

I had to break the silence by sending birthday messages which they replied: na wa o…you don forget us o. I was like: ha….I was testing both of you and you both betrayed me. They apologized and promised to be better but its been another six months, they still haven’t changed. In six months, I have gotten 2 texts from one of them and only one like from one of them on my IG picture. You see, I am in my late forties, its too late for me to start making new friends. Especially cos most people my age are married and sometimes very judgy. I prefer to stay on my own. But being on my own is getting so lonely and painful.

I am very upset with my friends and decided to vent here. Why do I have such selfish friends? For the first time, I feel its because I am not married that they are treating me this way. Am I wrong? But I have never treated them with less respects. I am friendly with their spouses and god mother to their kids for God’s sake. They still call me when they have issues in their marriages or issues with work or their inlaws or issues with life generally. I mean, they have even sent their kids to spend short holidays with me in the past….why cant they see that I also need love and attention?

So there is a saying that if people don’t have the fear of losing you, then you too shouldn’t fear loosing them. But sincerely…I am alone…with these 2 selfish bitches that I love so much yet they don’t love me as much. What am I going to do about this? Should I confine myself to myself for the rest of my life? I know if I was married, maybe I wouldn’t miss them so much. So maybe it’s the curse of being single? I am a good person. I earn very good money and have a car and a house…I take care of my family….but am not close to my family cos it’s a polygamous setting.

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I am tired of waiting for my friends to check on me first….tired of telling them that I want them to see me as human and not some super woman who does not have feelings. I have feelings. I feel like cracking most times. I feel like throwing something right now…I feel like screaming on top of my lungs for my friends to see me….I am not a needy person but I just want to be cared for ….for once…by these two lovely ladies whom I love like my own sisters but they have relegated me to their problem solver only.

I am tired of being strong for everyone else. I am weak and I need advise on what to do. Please help my mental state of mind. I think I may be slightly depressed or am I crazy or what is going on with me?

Anonymous

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