People who were never told “I love you” growing up often develop these 6 traits later in life (according to psychology)

Growing up without hearing the words “I love you” from those who matter most can have a lasting impact.

It’s something that can shape the way a person views themselves and interacts with others as they get older.

According to psychology, there are certain traits that often develop in people who didn’t receive that verbal affirmation of love during their childhood.

Let’s explore how these experiences can influence who they become.

1) Heightened independence

Growing up in an environment where emotional affirmation, like saying “I love you”, is scarce often results in individuals developing a heightened sense of independence.

This trait isn’t born out of choice but necessity.

When emotional support is limited, children learn early on to rely on themselves. They understand that they need to meet their own needs, and this understanding seeps into their adulthood.

This can result in them being self-reliant to a fault, often finding it challenging to ask for help even when they need it.

Psychologists call this “compulsive self-reliance” – an intense need to take care of themselves, often stemming from the fear of depending on others.

It’s a survival mechanism they’ve developed to navigate through a world that didn’t offer them the emotional security most children receive.

However, this heightened independence also comes with its own set of strengths. These people often exhibit a strong sense of resilience, adaptability, and self-awareness – traits that are extremely valuable.

2) Deep empathy

Another common trait among those who didn’t hear “I love you” growing up is a profound sense of empathy.

Being deprived of emotional affirmation often makes people more attuned to the feelings and needs of others.

They know what it’s like to feel unseen and unheard, so they make an extra effort to understand and validate the emotions of those around them.

This deep empathy can make them exceptional friends, partners, and leaders. They have a unique ability to connect with others on a deeper level, often sensing emotional undercurrents that others might miss.

However, this sensitivity can also be a double-edged sword. They might find themselves carrying emotional burdens that aren’t their own.

It’s crucial for these people to learn self-care strategies that protect their emotional well-being without compromising their empathetic nature.

To quote the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, who championed a humanistic approach to psychology: “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.” 

3) Emotional self-reliance

Those who grew up in environments devoid of verbal affection often develop a unique form of emotional self-reliance.

This trait can manifest as an ability to manage their emotions independently, without seeking external validation or reassurance.

They learn to soothe themselves during moments of distress, often developing a strong intuition and understanding of their emotional landscape.

However, this can also lead to an inclination to bottle up emotions, believing they need to handle everything on their own.

It’s important for these people to realize that seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but a crucial part of human connectivity.

To further understand the nuances of emotional self-reliance and how it shapes our relationships with ourselves and others, I invite you to watch my video on “the introvert’s guide to overcoming loneliness”.

In it, I delve into the importance of understanding oneself and building connections from this basis.

The advice I share is not only applicable to introverts but can provide valuable insights for anyone navigating the complexities of their emotional world.

To continue exploring these topics and join a community committed to living life with more purpose and authenticity, consider subscribing to my YouTube channel.

With over 30,000 subscribers already engaged in thought-provoking discussions on life, love, and personal growth, you’ll be part of a supportive community that values meaningful connections and authentic living.

Click here to subscribe and embark on this journey with us.

4) Struggle with vulnerability

A common trait among those who didn’t hear “I love you” growing up is a struggle with vulnerability.

The absence of emotional affirmation often leads to the belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness.

This can result in a defensive shield around their hearts, making it challenging for them to open up and be vulnerable with others.

This struggle with vulnerability isn’t a character flaw but a protective mechanism honed over years of self-preservation.

It’s the outcome of learning to navigate an environment that didn’t offer the emotional safety necessary for vulnerability.

However, vulnerability is the courage to show up and be seen in our authenticity, without knowing what the outcome will be. 

5) Pursuit of authenticity

People who grew up without hearing “I love you” often have a deep-seated desire for authenticity.

They’ve experienced what it’s like to feel emotionally disconnected, and this can foster an intense longing for genuine connections and experiences.

They value authenticity in themselves and others, seeking relationships and environments where they can be their true selves without judgment or pretense.

However, this pursuit of authenticity can also be challenging. They may find themselves feeling out of place in societal norms that often favor superficiality over depth, or they may struggle with self-doubt and fear of rejection.

Nevertheless, this pursuit is a testament to their resilience and their commitment to living a life aligned with their true selves.

It’s about honoring their own journey, embracing their unique experiences, and striving to build a life that reflects their deepest values and desires.

In line with my belief in the importance of living in alignment with our values, I’d like to share my video on “the illusion of happiness” where I discuss how true contentment comes from within, by embracing life’s challenges, fostering meaningful relationships, and staying true to oneself.

It’s a valuable watch for anyone navigating the complexities of authenticity in a world often focused on superficial standards of happiness.

6) A heightened appreciation for joy

This might sound paradoxical, but consider this: growing up in an environment where emotional affirmation was scarce can make even the smallest expressions of love and happiness feel intensely significant.

These people often cultivate a deep gratitude for the moments of joy they encounter. They don’t take happiness for granted but cherish it as a precious gift.

This can result in a profound sense of contentment and fulfillment that isn’t dependent on external circumstances or validation.

This appreciation for joy aligns with my belief that prosperity isn’t about accumulating wealth but about cultivating a sense of purpose, creativity, and ethical participation in the economy.

In the same vein, happiness isn’t about constant euphoria but about recognizing and cherishing the moments of joy that we encounter in our daily lives – no matter how small they may seem.

A journey towards understanding and growth

To further explore these topics and join a community committed to living life with more purpose and authenticity, consider subscribing to my YouTube channel.

With over 30,000 subscribers already engaged in thought-provoking discussions on life, love, and personal growth, you’ll be part of a supportive community that values meaningful connections and authentic living. Click here to subscribe and embark on this journey with us.

As you reflect on these traits, ask yourself: How have my own experiences shaped who I am today? And how can I use these insights to foster deeper understanding and compassion towards myself and others?