Modern Man's Evolving Consciousness

What does it mean to be a “man?” It’s a question that — if asked across past centuries — would generate a different answer each centennial. But unlike generations of old, today’s man has the Internet and social media at his disposal — two factors that have helped individual men and groups of men come in contact with different ideas on what masculinity can look like or can be, many of which run counter to the generations of societal male norms that our parents and our parents’ parents were exposed to. “For as much flak we give online culture, I think it's largely responsible for helping men's consciousness evolve,” said Jor-El Caraballo, therapist and co-founder of Viva. “We are able to see so many more examples of masculinity and manhood online through the kind of sharing that happens now. We also get to see the feedback from others of how traditional masculine norms impact them.” RELATED: How to Own Your Masculinity Today “When these conversations happen more honestly and openly, it creates a natural sort of reflection point where men, en masse, have begun to evaluate what manhood means to them and how they want to embody it moving forward,” Caraballo adds. Here, we take a look at how today’s men are uniquely positioned to unwind generations of harmful societal norms around masculinity and can reconfigure a healthier way to “be a man” in today’s world and for decades to come: Evolving From Past to Present The first thing to note about shifts in consciousness is that each generation of men (and women) are — for the most part — doing the best they can within the belief systems of the given time period they’re in.  One’s consciousness — or awareness of their inner and outer selves — is thus greatly influenced by where they’re raised geographically, the societal norms of that area, and the socially accepted ways of being at the time. At different points in history people prayed to the sun, believed the earth was the center of the universe and thought smoking cigarettes was healthy. But when introduced with more accurate knowledge, those belief systems changed. Consciousness — like belief systems–-can also shift when people are exposed to different ways of seeing themselves and their role in the world at large, though it’s sometimes more difficult to embrace those “different” ways if they are not the norm. “Most men have either directly or indirectly been told by their father that vulnerability, emotions and crying are acts of weakness,” said Lorin Krenn, author, men’s coach and hypnotherapist. “Their fathers have been told the same by their fathers, which is the generational trauma of men. Most men have not received an initiation from boyhood to manhood and the values they did receive from their fathers were most likely ‘work hard, make money, don’t be a failure.’ This was usually not conveyed verbally but was observed behavior that was then internalized.” RELATED: Comparing Modern vs. Old-School Initiations Into Manhood And like with any internalized belief system, it is harder to evolve beyond something most people see as “normal.” Fortunately, we’re seeing more and more men having conversations on social media and throughout the Internet that provide a different window — outside the stereotypes — of what men can be: Men openly discussing things like emotional maturity, vulnerability and opening their hearts — not as weakness, but as strengths. “The rise of the Internet has helped provide more perspectives of men experiencing similar things, giving an individual a greater awareness and self-understanding” said Cory Allen, author and host of the And Then It Hit Me podcast. “They’re able to recognize parts of themselves whenever different men speak about these things online — raising the consciousness of the individual through this externalization of information.” Allen believes having a sort of “digital tribal connection” amongst men who are talking about things that previously weren’t as widely discussed helps normalize the topics into something that’s no longer scary or taboo to talk about. “The more comfortable people become talking about evolving consciousness, the more open people are, and therefore those topics of discussion become further and further normalized until they become normal,” he said. Without such discussions, we remain stuck as a society repeating patterns of the past. RELATED: Guys Reveal the Most Important Thing Their Dads Taught Them But once we become aware of the generational trauma of our fathers and ancestors and the harm it has had on society and ourselves, we have a choice to make: We can either continue to perpetuate the same types of thoughts and actions as they did — and generate the same results — or, we can do something different. Take male aggression, for example. To this day — and especially in past decades — a man demonstrating “strength” through aggressive behavior has been normalized. But now, other, healthier ways of demonstrating masculinity have entered the public sphere — and have been accepted — in such a way that many men are adopting different ways of handling aggression. “The idea is not to tell young boys to be vulnerable all the time — it’s for them to learn to live with an open heart while also having a strong spine,” Krenn said. “They can process their emotions and learn to deal with challenges in a mature and conscious way. This makes a man infinitely stronger and tougher at a holistic level.” RELATED: How We Teach Consent to Young Boys A wider lens of “what it means to be a man” involves expressing emotions truthfully, honestly, and compassionately. Instead of relying on pure physical strength, men are recognizing the importance of feeling their feelings and communicating them clearly to their significant other and their children — and it starts with each individual man consciously choosing to show up differently. “I believe the human condition is designed to constantly move in the direction of higher consciousness,” said Craig French, mindfulness and mindset coach. “We are built to learn, grow, fail and evolve, so it would make sense that we are seeing some dramatic shifts happening over the last number of decades, especially around male consciousness.” The shift in consciousness — in most instances — runs counter to the way today’s men have been raised. Their father’s may not have been the most emotionally expressive, may not have understood the importance of creating a “safe space” within the household, and may not have known an alternative way of living and being even existed outside the one modeled to them by their fathers. RELATED: How Men Can Work on Improving Their Emotional Intelligence But as more and more men “awake” to the reality that they can demonstrate their masculinity in different ways from previous generations — and take action on an individual level — the more the collective male consciousness grows healthier, stronger, and more aware. Choosing a Different Path We can now see and understand how some of the ways kids were once raised aren’t necessarily the best ways to raise them. Just because our parents yelled at or hit us — because their parents did the same — doesn’t mean we have to repeat the pattern moving forward. “As a therapist, I think that the single best thing men can do to impart this evolving consciousness for other men and boys is to do their work themselves,” Caraballo said. “It's not enough to tell others in your life ‘this is how you show up better for people, this is how you express yourself well.’ Modeling that behavior and doing the personal development work so that you embody it in the way you live everyday is the most effective way to encourage other men and boys to do the same.” RELATED: What Healthy Masculinity in Pop Culture Looks Like With this new awareness, we can choose to impart different ways of living in how we conduct ourselves and the example we set for other men. “You simply have to live by example,” Allen said. “Once you recognize the key points internally that you need to move through to have your own transformation — such as being more vulnerable with your emotions or slowing down your reactivity to think through and be more intentional with your actions — you can then guide who you are going to be in the future. By doing that, you’re being who you want to see you be in the world.” We don’t know what we don’t know. If evolved behavior is modeled to us, we can observe it, digest it, and replicate it. Same goes with trauma. Given we have a choice over the two paths, and when we become aware of this choice, it positions the power of our actions and our reactions as tools others can learn from. RELATED: How Men Manage Stress by Disassociating From Their Feelings “When a young boy sees his father's vulnerability and capability of expressing deep love to his mother — and at the same time, standing up for the family to protect the family — the son will naturally learn to be an emotionally safe, regulated, and grounded man,” says Krenn. “Explaining to a young boy about the importance of creating a safe space in relationships can be helpful, but this is something every man deep down desires to do naturally,” he adds. “What will serve him infinitely more deeply is to help him connect to his innate sense to ‘do good in the world’ and to treat others with integrity.” Thu,s the mere act of one man choosing to raise his consciousness and act differently than the men who have come before him has the ability to be a tiny raindrop that ripples across the pond of man’s collective consciousness — demonstrating to the younger generations that this “new” way of showing up is acceptable. “It most definitely starts in the home,” French said. “Parents have to be role models to their boys, giving them the autonomy to be themselves and to explore their own path. However, structure and discipline are also crucial. The key is finding the balance. If communication stays open between boys and their parents, along with mutual respect, it’s a breeding ground for positive growth and evolution.” RELATED: Study Reveals the Long-Term Effect of Toxic Masculinity Evolution that’s empowering boys and men to step into themselves as separate individuals from their parents. The more examples that exist of men living differently, the more we have the ability to break the cycles of old and make living differently more mainstream. Living with Higher Consciousness The more men raise their consciousness and choose to act differently, the more we can collectively transform the outdated social norms around masculinity into something more progressive, inclusive and forward-thinking for humanity. “To do so, we need to drop our individual egos and work for the benefit of all,” French said. “If collectively men can elevate one another instead of always competing against one another, that would be incredible progress.” RELATED: 7 Behaviors That No Longer Define ‘Being a Man’ But it first starts with each man on an individual level unwinding his own baggage — his own trauma — to be able to fully embrace the totality of who he can become.“When we give ourselves the permission to honor the totality of our humanity, we get to show up in the world in ways that also embrace the full humanity of others,” Caraballo said. “When we're not so concerned about performing masculinity in a certain way, we won't find other ways of being problematic or worrisome. This creates space for more compassion and understanding between people, and a recognition that at our core, we all want to be really seen, valued and respected for who we truly are.” So the work is to unravel, discover and embrace ourselves — which in turn, gives us a greater capacity to embrace others. “The higher level of consciousness needed for true transformation to occur can be symbolized in a man’s spiritual journey,” Krenn said. “After a man learns how to connect with his heart, feel love once more, create safety and security inside his body with his emotions, he can then reclaim all parts of himself — even his most primal and archaic traits — and express them consciously from a place of love and service.” By first serving ourselves, we can better serve others, and Krenn believes conscious masculinity is about being in service to the world. RELATED: Why You Should Tell the Ones You Love You're Proud of Them “A man who is in deep service is capable of immense fierceness to protect his loved ones and of expressing deep emotion to allow others to drop deeper into their own hearts,” Krenn said. “As men right now, we are being asked by the universe to carve the path for others to follow. While this is not easy — in fact, it’s immensely challenging — it is a noble and sacred duty bestowed upon us.” And ultimately, fulfilling that duty starts with us awakening to the idea that we as men can choose to live, think, act and behave differently than what has been previously modeled to us. “We have to let go of the story of what we’re supposed to be,” Allen said. “We spend our lives feeling guilty for not meeting standards we never agreed to in the first place and for feeling like we have to be or should be a certain way — even negative ways — because it’s so folded into the culture.” RELATED: Toxic Things That Many People Tend to Encourage in Men “Once you let go of all that baggage, you realize you are this singular individual — this living being — who doesn’t have to have their way of existing or their consciousness shaped by the patterns and the fingerprints of the past,” he explains. “It’s really up to you to decide in the present moment to let go of the story — other people’s story that you’ve been carrying — and to stop worrying about what other people say you should be so you can become who you really are.” You Might Also Dig: How to Be a Man's Man in Today’s Modern Culture What’s Wrong With Masculinity Today (And How Can We Begin to Fix It)? 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