I yelled at my employees and they walked out

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I lost my temper with several employees today. I yelled and cussed, but I did not say anything discriminatory. Before I lost it, multiple employees had done the opposite of what I instructed today. I reminded them of who they worked for. I yelled and used the “f” word. We all use it every day.

By the end of the day, with most employees having done something, I got really mad and slammed the door to my office. I slammed it so hard that some of the door facing flew off. Supposedly, it came close to hitting one of the ladies at her desk. After that, all of the employees in the office except one (the one who I yelled at this morning) walked out. I followed them outside and told them if they leave without permission, don’t come back tomorrow. They still left.

Two of the five who left, I did not have any problem with today. I did not yell at them, even though one of them did what she wanted today, not what I asked.

One of them was the husband of one of the two who I didn’t yell at. The wife in this couple has a text group with all the employees on it. She has been sending out text messages talking B.S.

I know that I shouldn’t get so angry and yell at them. I am sorry that the wood almost hit someone. She happens to be our newest employee.

Most of this started when our payroll clerk informed me that two employees wrote vacation on their timecards when they left early. Let me explain. They were on call the day before and got called out at 7pm. They did not complete the emergency until 11 am. Their supervisor told them they could go home if they wanted. Understandably, they did. They were given a choice. I have no problem paying them overtime for the time they worked. I do not believe that I owe them vacation for leaving and going home. Their supervisor did not approve the overtime.

I am still so angry that I don’t want any of them back, but I need them. The way everyone has been acting lately, doing what they want, I am considering closing the business.

I know I messed up, but I don’t think they all should have walked out without permission.

They absolutely should have walked out, with or without permission. They aren’t your indentured servants and you had lost control of yourself and were being abusive. Walking out was them setting a boundary and saying, “We won’t tolerate this.” They were right to do it.

Screaming at people is never okay. Screaming profanity at people is even less okay. Slamming your door so violently that a piece flew off and almost hit someone is so far over any line of what people should put up with at work that you’re lucky they didn’t all walk out.

I’d be surprised if they all come back.

Losing control like that is a sign that you don’t know how to manage your staff. So while your first priority needs to be apologizing to everyone who witnessed your explosion — whether it was directed at them or not — your second priority needs to be getting yourself some help managing. Classes, books, a coach, whatever will work. Good managers don’t yell.

Managers who do yell typically do it because they don’t know how else to get things done. They’re missing the core tools managers need to have –like how to assign work, give feedback, course-correct, set consequences, and hold people accountable — and so they get increasingly frustrated and desperate, and yelling feels like the only tool they have to make their point. But it’s not an acceptable tool to use— it’s an abuse of your power, and it’s also just flat-out abusive, as a human dealing with other humans. It will make good people not want to work for you, and the ones who stay will be increasingly demotivated, disengaged, and far less likely to take initiative or come up with creative ideas (who wants to take risks when there’s a yeller involved?) or generally be the kind of employee you probably want.

Ironically, yelling also diminishes your authority, by making you look weak and out of control. More on this here.

If you take this incident as a wake-up call that you need to learn how to manage employees, it will strengthen your business. If you don’t, you and the people who work for you in are in for a tough road.