I Lost My Best Friend Because His Wife Saw Me as a Threat

Kwadwo and I were best friends. Real best friends, the kind where you do life together and nothing romantic is ever involved. We met at church when he joined the choir, and from that moment on, we were like brother and sister. I was a year older than him, and I loved being the older sister he could lean on.

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When Kwadwo fell in love with a woman in the choir, I was happy for him. I supported him, gave him advice, helped him navigate his feelings. His girlfriend didn’t mind our friendship at all because she could see it was real and pure. I was helping her man become the best version of himself.

At their wedding, I was the akumaa ‘konofo’, I was the one making things happen everywhere. I was the one people came to when they needed something done. It felt good to celebrate my best friend on his big day.

When they started married life, I became their problem solver. And trust me, there were plenty of problems. If I hadn’t been there with prayer and good counsel, I don’t think that marriage would have lasted even one year. But Kwadwo is a godly man, and with time and help, they found their footing. Things got better.

When the babies came, I was there. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, helping however I could. I was Aunty. I was family.

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Around that same time, God blessed me with my own marriage. Now we were two families, but I was still there for Kwadwo and his wife whenever they needed me.

But something changed.

During their fights, Kwadwo would tell me that his wife said he didn’t really want to marry her. She said the only reason he married her was because I was older than him. She said if I had been younger, he would have married me instead.

I didn’t understand where that came from. There was nothing romantic between us. Nothing at all. But she believed it anyway.

As the children got older and the wife didn’t need my help as much anymore, she started treating me differently. She gave me attitude. She made it difficult for me to visit their home. It was cold. It was unwelcoming. It was like I had suddenly become the enemy.

I started pulling back. I gave them space because I didn’t want to cause problems in their marriage. I asked Kwadwo if I had done something wrong, something I needed to apologize for. He said no, there was nothing.

But the distance was growing anyway.

He started withdrawing from me too. My best friend was slowly disappearing from my life, and I couldn’t stop it.

They had a big celebration not long ago. A milestone in their marriage, something important. I wasn’t invited. When I found out, it hurt. It really hurt. But that’s when I understood: I had lost my best friend for good.

His wife had won. Or maybe she didn’t win anything. Maybe she just decided I was a threat, and Kwadwo chose his marriage. I get it. When you’re married, your spouse comes first. I understand that now.

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They have new friends now. They’re enjoying their new season of life. And I need to do the same. I need to move on. I need to heal from losing someone who was so important to me. It’s not easy. Some days I still think about him and feel that loss. But I’m learning that sometimes people leave our lives not because they want to, but because someone else decides they should. And sometimes we have to accept that and move forward.

Kwadwo will always be a part of my story. He was my best friend, my brother, the person I was proud to stand beside. But this is his new chapter, and I’m not in it anymore.

I’m starting to write my own story now. One where I heal. One where I make peace with what happened. One where I understand that sometimes you love people and you lose them anyway, and that’s just how life goes.

—Pearl

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