did I cross a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization I volunteer for?

A reader writes:

I moved to a new state a year ago and, in the effort to find community, I joined a grassroots nonprofit as a volunteer coordinator (as a volunteer, not for my job).

Since I’ve joined, we’ve had transparency issues with the board. Every few months, someone would either join or drop off the board, and volunteers wouldn’t hear about it until a week or two after the fact. We also never had the organization’s bylaws or constitution available to volunteers, and no matter how many of us explained why we needed this, select board members would always give excuses as to why we couldn’t. At one point, they finally posted them, but when the website went through a long-overdue redesign, both forms disappeared from it again.

Isadora has been a board member for more than a year. Three months ago, the president and vice president suddenly quit with no explanation. Someone else had to step up as president, and Isadora had to step up as vice president. Both were doing the jobs of two or three people at a time, so Isadora was overwhelmed. I was also doing the jobs of two people. (I never learned about the former president and vice president quitting until it was mentioned in casual conversation a full week later. Two other volunteers learned about it the same way.)

Because Isadora was so stressed out, she chatted openly about stepping down from the board after a big public event we’re holding. Another board member, Duncan, told us he would do the same.

There was a big Instagram post from the barely-new president where he gave a heartfelt goodbye letter, and he talked about how he looked forward to “the new board taking [his] and others’ places.” The post had introductions of all the new members … including Isadora and Duncan. This confused me and made me think that they had changed their minds about leaving, or perhaps that no replacements had been found for them yet.

The next day, Duncan mentioned unprompted that he’s still planning to step down after the public event in three weeks. I asked about the Instagram post, which he didn’t see, but he said it’s correct since he’s still on the board.

I texted Isadora to ask if she changed her mind or couldn’t find a replacement, and she reiterated that she’s still leaving in three weeks. But she also added that her term was supposed to end four months ago, per the (still unavailable) bylaws, which I wasn’t told before. I told her that I understood that, but that my concern was that the Instagram post gave the impression that she and Duncan would be there for longer.

She replied, “How does it give that impression? People wanted us to announce who’s on the board, so we did. But apparently, they’re not happy about that either.” With a rolling-eyes emoji at the end.

I was taken aback by her tone. I replied with a three-paragraph text (that I revised three times to be as empathetic as I could) about the constant mixed messages and the lack of information on the website about the board, bylaws, and constitution. That yes, the post is correct *at face value* about who’s *currently* on the board, but that would change in only three weeks and that “new members” seemed to imply that they’d be there for longer. That I understood that she had been so stressed lately, but I still felt confused by the organization sometimes.

She replied, “So are you asking me to take the post down? Or give two weeks notice? I still don’t feel like this information is contradictory. People have been asking us who is on the board, so we announced it. Also people can quit the board at any time. We don’t force people to stay if they don’t want to.”

I tried to call her because I actually wanted to speak instead of text, but she wasn’t in a place to take a phone call. (And I never tried again because I didn’t want to seem combative or pushy.) I suddenly felt stupid for saying anything at all because I had no idea what exactly I was asking her to do, or what I should ask her to do. I apologized for bringing it up, to which she said that I don’t need to apologize and that she just didn’t understand what I needed from her. The last thing I told Isadora was that I didn’t really know if there was anything I needed from her right now, but that I appreciated her asking. I backed down suddenly because I felt ashamed of myself.

Maybe I just let the stress get to me, but I feel like there’s something not right about the post that I couldn’t place my finger on. And Isadora’s tone made me feel like I’ve crossed some line since she had never used it before with me (I can’t stop thinking about that rolling-eyes emoji). Is it unreasonable to assume that when someone makes a big announcement about “new members” that they won’t be planning to leave in three weeks? Did I cross a boundary?

You didn’t cross any boundary, but you are probably more upset about all of this than you need to be.

This organization is clearly a mess and they can’t hold on to board members.

The thing about the bylaws and constitution not being available to volunteers isn’t necessarily a big deal. It’s weird that they’ve had so much trouble providing them to volunteers when asked, but they’re not required to be publicly accessible. It’s best practice to make them available for transparency’s sake and it’s odd that they haven’t and it doesn’t engender any trust in them — but it seems consistent with the general chaos they operate with.

The confusion about Isadora and Duncan’s status as board members … eh. It seems like the president just referenced all the existing board members without regard to who’s about to leave. It’s not ideal communication, but it’s not a big deal. Isadora was probably annoyed when you contacted her because she’s been trying to get off the board for months and felt you were nitpicking the impression given by someone else’s Instagram post, which she probably didn’t think was a big deal or should need to be her problem to deal with (or anyone’s problem, really). She also sounds fed up with the organization in general.

Here’s the thing: this organization is a mess. I don’t know how well it functions when it comes to achieving its actual goals (not well, I suspect), but its internal operations are in chaos. You are clearly someone who does not enjoy functioning in chaos, so this organization is not a good fit for you; you’re going to find it aggravating (rightly so!) and you’re going to be constantly battling them to be something they aren’t. As a volunteer, you’re just not well-positioned to change any of this. Maybe if you wanted to get on the board, but honestly that sounds like it would be an exercise in frustration too. I’d also bet good money they don’t get great results toward their mission — which alone would be sufficient reason to take your efforts elsewhere.

There are lots of nonprofits doing good work that aren’t this much of a mess and which won’t frustrate you like this. Move your energy there instead!

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