9 little habits that will make people respect and appreciate you more

You’ve met them.

The ones who enter a room and without a single word, you already know they’re respected, and even their mere presence is appreciated.

It’s enviable, don’t be ashamed of saying that.

I want to be one of them, too!

But rather than staying in envy, what if I told you that you could actually be one of these people?

And all it takes is a few little habit changes.

Want to be well-liked by others?

You can start by cultivating these 9 little habits.

1) Breathe and pause before you speak

This is a technique shared both by spoken word poets and public speakers.

Taking a deep breath not only makes others cue in into what you are about to say, it also allows you to gather energy and build momentum.

The pause allows you to gather attention while centering yourself so you don’t end up rushing through your words.

And why would you rush through your words?

Unless you’re a rapper, speaking in a rushed manner conveys anxiety, stress, or worse— a feeling of unworthiness to own the time and attention of others.

So be calm and collected. It’s something most people admire in others.

2) Choose your words wisely

We know how much our words impact others. Just one harsh comment and you’d change how people view you forever.

So if you want people to appreciate you more, pay attention to your words.

You don’t have to go crazy.

Say “I think your office needs a bit of cleaning up” instead of “Your office is a dump!”

Or say “I have things to do” instead of “You’re wasting my time!”

That way, even if you’re in a heated discussion, you’re less likely to blurt out nonsense and vitriol.

I don’t know about you, but I notice that the most respected and appreciated people I know are the gentlest—especially when it comes to their words.

3) Read the room

People who know how to read a room sense group dynamics.

They can easily interpret the relationships of people within a group and even the internal feelings of each person.

Because of this, they know NOT to crack a joke to someone who is stressed or angry.

They also know that relationships between people—whether two people are closet enemies, or secretly infatuated with each other.

How do you learn this skill?

Simple—learn how to decode body language.

This way, you’d know how to treat people better, and in return, they’d like having you around.

4) Don’t overcommit

I remember adjusting my schedule and rushing through previous appointments to meet everyone else’s convenient time.

Well, I arrived thirty minutes late, disheveled and sweating and saying “sorry, sorry, sorry” like I just committed a crime.

Was it appreciated? Did people respect me more because of what I did?

Nope!

And it’s not just because they got pissed that I was late.

It shows that I’m not valuing my own time while over-valuing theirs! It communicated to everyone that their time was more important than mine.

It also probably didn’t help that they all got to the meeting fresh and relaxed while I arrived out of breath and exhausted.

From then on, I never allowed that again. I decided that I’d only commit when I know I can commit.

5) Say “thanks” more often

One way to easily earn the hate of other people is to take them for granted by being unappreciative of what they’re doing.

If they gave you the time, space, or shared their skills and energy with you, the least you could do is express a genuine “thank you.”

“What goes around comes around,” as the saying goes.

So if you’ve been acting like an entitled person, people will throw away the respect and appreciation they had for you as easily as the trash.

The simple antidote: gratitude. Lots and lots of it.

6) Look people in the eye when they talk

Not in a threatening way, of course.  But in a supportive and attentive way that says “I’m here, I’m listening to you.”

People like to feel seen because it makes THEM feel respected and appreciated.

So let’s say, if you’re an interviewer, you might think typing it all out and keeping your pen on your notebook is making you look all smart and efficient.

But remember that people need to know that you are paying attention to them.

Otherwise, they might feel like you’re ignoring or snubbing them and they will start to unconsciously appreciate you less.

So look people in the eye when they speak.

An engaged listener gets far more respect than the one who always seems distracted.

7) Speak of other people’s gifts

Ever noticed that when you genuinely compliment someone, they end up seeing your positive traits as well?

When you amplify someone, sooner rather than later, they start amplifying you, too.

So if you’re the type who quietly admires other people, either because you’re shy (or worse, insecure and don’t want to add to other people’s light), adapting this simple habit will create a shift for you.

Try going out and seeking people’s gifts and then speak of it— to them or to peers.

Make sure though it’s not just about superficial things like shoes, or clothes, but about qualities or values that you genuinely respect.

When you speak about how you admire them, you not only put yourself in the same line as them, (literally and figuratively), you’re also creating the habit, and persona of someone who lifts other people.

As paradoxical as it seems, the more you shine the light on other people’s strengths, the light bounces off of you, too.

8) Do things alone

Do you always ask your friends to go with you to an event? And if they won’t go, you’d rather not go?

Do you wait for someone to go to the toilet so you can go with them because you simply hate being alone?

Well, you gotta stop if you want respect from others.

Doing things alone is a habit that will make people respect and appreciate you more.

Whether it’s traveling, dining out, or hiking, doing things in happy and content solitude commands respect.

Why?

Because it shows competence and independence.

Someone who is able to confidently stand on their own instantly commands the room.

So go ahead eat alone, go to a concert alone, go to the cinema alone. Doing things alone when people expect you to be with others shows you’ve got character.

9) Prioritize yourself

People can sense people-pleasers.

And while many expect them to be loved and liked because of how much they give, what actually happens is they are often taken for granted or worse, abused for their kindness.

But people who are well-respected always know how to decline and say “no.”

It’s not that they’re selfish or inconsiderate. But short of an actual life or death scenario, they keep their commitments to themselves sacred.

So even if it’s “just” a reading time and coffee time, they won’t reschedule it for something others feel is more important.

So how does this make others respect them more?

Well, by showing how much they value and respect themselves, they teach others to value and respect them too.

Final thoughts

While being respected and appreciated is something that is reasonable to want, always remember that you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. (Some people don’t really like tea, to prove a point.)

What matters most is that you are being your most authentic self!

And that at the end of the day, you can look in the mirror and love yourself unconditionally— flaws and all.

Because what does all the respect and appreciation in the world matter if your inner voice is still saying mean remarks each time you make a move or decision?

If you normally keep a self-critical voice, no praise in the world can shift your perceptions.

So the best strategy?

Love yourself fully and unapologetically.

That is the best way to show and teach other people how to respect and appreciate you.