update: my boss says I should always be available on my days off

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss said they should always be available on their days off? Here’s the update.

Thank you very much for responding to my letter in the first place. As a sort of “Easter egg,” it’s actually the second time you’ve answered one of my letters! The first one I wrote was years ago — I was early in my career and asked how to know whether you want to be a manager. You opened that one up to the readers who gave me a lot of really interesting perspective, and so the update there is that I, obviously, eventually became a manager, and I think I’m good at it (probably thanks in part to the years I have spent reading your advice!). Mentoring is an aspect of my job that I genuinely enjoy — but the downside is what drove me to write the second letter, about being “always on.”

I started to write you an update earlier in the year during your first call for updates, but honestly … it bummed me out. It has been a really hard year. The kind of hard that makes you question whether you’re in the right career. (I didn’t know that was a symptom of burnout until I went to a “lunch and learn” on stress and burnout at work. The seminar leaders suggested exercise and meditation. HELPFUL, THANKS.)

On the vacation I alluded to in my letter, I got engaged! The first three days of the trip were quiet, but I did have to spend about two hours working later in the trip (and frankly, it was a waste of time — I was prepping someone to deal with an important issue, but they ended up kicking the can until I got back). My company does the thing that I suspect most companies do — they talk a really good game about well-being and work/life balance, but it’s a talking point, not a reality for most people.

My boss has continued to demonstrate through words and actions that they place little stock in PTO. I just think it’s something we will always disagree on. I support my direct reports in taking ALL available PTO (what we can roll over is limited) and being fully unplugged, and I try to support peers both directly (by offering to cover work) and indirectly (by being loudly supportive of taking time off). If I have to be “that person” at my company, so be it. This is a hill I am willing to die on.

I recently had a frank conversation with our general counsel about no longer being sure that I wanted to continue in this career. The slightly panicked response I received suggests to me that I was being considered for a promotion next year, if I wanted it. Genuinely not sure if I want it. Genuinely have looked into going into a specific associate’s degree program because I think it would be fun and some days, I’m really tired of corporate life — and then, the very next day I find myself day dreaming about how I would do things when I have my boss’s job someday and I brainstorm ways to be more efficient and less stressed at work.

In summary, I might be having a midlife crisis? I’m trying not to rush into any decisions — I want any changes I make to be about running TOWARD something I’m excited about, not running away. Right now, I’m excited about things that would lead me to getting off the bullet train — and struggling with feeling like I “should” want to be trying to drive it, not getting off. Also, it’s scary to stop chasing the thing I’ve been chasing for a very, very long time.

So, more to come. Someday I hope I’ll write back with a more positive, or at least decisive, or if nothing else, succinct update! But in the meantime, I continue to appreciate the thoughtful and pragmatic advice you continue to dole out. Thank you.